Opinion

Band 5+: Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

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Now, people from all over the world are try different kinds of activities including hand gliding, mountain climbing and many more adventures rides. All these activities are very exciting for new generations. It was turned into a trend.

All the rides and activities were extremely dangerous. It can cause mental harm and physical injuries. They risk their life to do this kind of activities. They know the consequences before attempt the rides. Predominantly, young people are the attempt this kinds of adventures activities. They feel life is too short to live, that’s why they try this different kinds of experience in their life at least for once. For example, when I visited Nepal, I tried pungi jumping for the first time from top of the hill. It was scary as well as risky though I tried to enjoy my life.

These activities turned into a trend day by day. In addition, these can cost harm in our life. Everyone is not allowed to perform this activity but if they try then the authorities of the activities take legal documents for future circumstance. A lot of individuals face many difficulties after the experience. The authorities also suggest to not attempt in a trend. Trendy things are not always good for everyone. My brother Fahim experienced a bad activity in the beach, which is paragliding, it cause harm to his neck, he was interested by his friends.

To conclude, every ride and adventures activities are not for everyone. It is risky and harmful. Before took the experience, everyone should need to know precautions to attempt that.

Word Count: 264

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

activities: 8

attempt: 4

everyone: 4

kinds: 3

adventures: 3

rides: 3

experience: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing why people undertake extreme activities and whether it is a good trend. A position is presented, but the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but could be more effectively integrated to support the arguments. To improve, focus on developing clearer and more detailed explanations for the reasons behind people's participation in extreme activities and the potential drawbacks of this trend. Also, ensure that examples are used to strengthen your points rather than just being mentioned.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing could be improved to better group related ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or missing, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the connection between the dangers of extreme activities and the trend aspect needs to be more explicitly stated. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive. There is a limited range of words, and some choices are not entirely appropriate for the context. For instance, using 'rides' repeatedly to describe activities becomes monotonous. To improve, try to use synonyms and a wider variety of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly. Focus on learning and incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary related to the topic of extreme activities and risk-taking. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('are try' instead of 'are trying'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. Punctuation is also inconsistent. These errors frequently impede understanding. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing and carefully proofreading your work to identify and correct errors. Consider focusing on using a narrower range of structures accurately before attempting more complex constructions.

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