Bar Chart

Band 6+: The bar chart below gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012

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The image presents a bar chart depicting skilled migrants to Australia in four occupations from 2009-2012. For accountants, 2009 had approximately 18,000, 2010 with 25,000, 2011 with 22,000, and 2012 returned to 18,000 migrants. Cooks had about 9,000 in 2009, increasing to 10,000 in 2010, 12,000 in 2011, and about 19,000 in 2012. Software engineers started with 19,000 in 2009, decreased to 15,000 in 2010, increased to 16,000 in 2011, and reached about 24,000 by 2012. Computer programmers began with 4,000 in 2009, stayed around 3,000 from 2010 to 2011, and slightly above 5,000 in 2012.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart below illustrate the numbers of accountants, cooks, software engineers, and computer programmers who moved to Australia for various occupations between 2009 and 2012.

Overall, it is clear that in 2010 many accountats who migrated to Australia surged to it’s highest point among other jobs, The figure of cooks who moved to Australia witnessed an abrupt surge in 2011, it was below the for figure of software engineers, which reached to its peak at that period. The number of computer programmers who moved to Australia bottomed out.

Initally,the workforce of accountants stood at 20,000 before undergoing moderate fluctuations in subsequent years. By the end of observation period this figure had recovered to nearly its starting level, registering a marginal difference of under 1,000. Meanwhile, the number for cooks repeated the same tone in 2009 and 2011, as well as in 2010 and 2012.

What is interesting is that, the migrarion of software engineers registered a dramatic escalation till 2012 peaking before a sharp decline, from 20,000 to 17,000.

On the other hand, computer programmer numbers went up and down by about 2,000 each year, finally reaching 5,000 by the end of the period.

Word Count: 195

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

australia: 4

cooks: 3

software: 3

engineers: 3

computer: 3

moved: 3

figure: 3

period: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task by describing the main trends and making some comparisons. However, there are several inaccuracies and omissions. For example, the description of accountants' figures is imprecise, and the trend for software engineers is incorrectly stated as peaking before a decline, whereas the data shows an increase to a peak in 2012. Additionally, the report omits specific data for some years and occupations, and the language contains errors (e.g., 'illustrate' should be 'illustrates', 'accountats' should be 'accountants', 'Initally' should be 'Initially'). To improve, ensure accurate data representation, include all relevant details, and proofread for grammatical accuracy.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction and body paragraphs, but the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear references. For example, 'it was below the for figure of software engineers' is confusing. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate, such as 'Initally' and 'What is interesting is that' which are not always followed by clear connections. Paragraphing is attempted but could be more logical, with some data grouped in a way that makes comparisons less clear. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use a wider range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary for describing trends, such as 'surged', 'witnessed an abrupt surge', 'bottomed out', 'fluctuations', and 'dramatic escalation'. However, there are several inaccuracies and awkward expressions, e.g., 'repeated the same tone' and 'migrarion' (misspelling). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are not used naturally. To improve, expand your vocabulary for describing changes (e.g., 'peaked', 'plummeted', 'levelled off') and ensure correct word forms and collocations. Also, avoid informal or vague expressions like 'went up and down' in favor of more precise terms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'The bar chart below illustrate' should be 'illustrates', 'accountats' is misspelled, 'it's' should be 'its', and there are missing commas and incorrect sentence structures. The use of tenses is inconsistent, and some sentences are incomplete or run-on. To improve, review subject-verb agreement, use correct past tense forms, and ensure each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated. Also, vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.

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