Pie Chart

Band 5+: The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make conversion where relevant

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The image displays two pie charts on average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia for 2010. In Japan, the expenditures were: Other goods and services 29%, Food 24%, Housing 21%, Transport 20%, and Health care 6%. In Malaysia, the expenditures were: Housing 34%, Food 27%, Other goods and services 26%, Transport 10%, and Health care 3%.

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There are the two pie charts which illustrate the household expenditures in both countries Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

Overall, other goods and services are accounted for being the most frequent option to spend money on. Moreover, health care regarded as the least prevalent household expenditure in both countries. Additionally, the graphs don’t show any significant changes between the statistics given.

Speaking of Japan results, other goods and services has 29%, meanwhile, Malaysia gained 26%. However, housing is more prevalent in Malaysia than in Japan, having 34% against 21% for the same option. The trasport option is noticeably more preferred in Japan rather than in Malaysia, gaining 20% and 10% respectively. As it can be witnessed, food option is almost identical in both countries, illustarting 27% in Malaysia and 24% in Japan. The health care has been mentioned as the least popular option with only 6% in Japan and with 3% in Malaysia during the same year.

In conclusion, the statistic has demonstrated that there is no substential difference between both countries. The average household expenditures are approximately the same.

Word Count: 180

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

japan: 6

malaysia: 6

option: 5

countries: 4

household: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the main requirements of the task by comparing the expenditures of both countries. It identifies the highest and lowest categories and provides specific data points for most categories. However, there are some inaccuracies in the overview; stating that there are 'no significant changes' is inappropriate because the charts represent two different countries at a single point in time, not a change over time. Additionally, the conclusion that there is 'no substantial difference' is somewhat contradictory to the specific data provided, which shows notable differences in categories like housing and transport. To improve, ensure that comparisons are logically sound and avoid using time-based language (like 'changes') when comparing static data between two different subjects.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and occasionally mechanical (e.g., 'Speaking of...', 'As it can be witnessed'). The progression of ideas is hindered by some awkward phrasing. To improve, try to use more varied linking words and ensure that the transition between comparing different categories feels more natural rather than just listing data points one by one.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and occasionally inaccurate in context. For example, describing expenditures as 'options' or 'frequent options to spend money on' is not the most natural way to describe budget allocations. Terms like 'gained' or 'preferred' are better suited for trends over time rather than static proportions in a pie chart. Aim to use more precise academic vocabulary related to proportions, such as 'accounted for', 'comprised', 'constituted', or 'represented'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the report. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'other goods and services are accounted for' should be 'accounted for'), missing auxiliary verbs (e.g., 'health care regarded' should be 'health care was regarded'), and spelling errors ('trasport', 'illustarting', 'substential'). Additionally, the sentence structures are somewhat repetitive. To improve, focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that verb tenses are used consistently and correctly.

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