Pie Chart

Band 4+: Various Career and Academic Choices Taken by High School Graduates in Lakeside County in 2010 and 2020

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The image displays two pie charts comparing various career and academic choices taken by high school graduates in Lakeside County in 2010 and 2020. In 2010, the majority, 55%, had no idea, followed by 24% working and 11% going to college, 5% each working in freelance and informal sectors, and starting a business. In 2020, 38% were going to college, 24% working, 15% no idea, 13% starting a business, 10% working in freelance and informal sectors.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie charst demonstrate diverse professional and educational path which made by senior school graduates in Lakeside County in 2010 and 2020.

Overall, immediately catches the eye, the pie charts divided into five options that include: going to college, working freelance or informal employment sectors, making a business, taking a job and the last one “no idea?”. The largest percentage takes the options “going to college” and the smallest the choice “no idea”.

In 2010, the option takes up mostly going to college above 60%, followed by roughly one in four (24%) consisting of working. The remaining 20 percent split up and taken choice into working in unofficial job sectors (11%), another 10% have no clue and opening business.

In 2020, show some changes. After 10 years the option of going to college remained at the most significant percentage. However, it decreased by 12% which indicates the others variety grown up. For instance, starting business consist of 24% and working in freelance and the choice have no idea simultaneously increased (13% and 15%)

Word Count: 173

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

working: 4

going: 3

college: 3

choice: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task and covers the main categories, but there are significant inaccuracies in data reporting that affect the clarity of the comparison. For instance, the report claims 'going to college' was the largest group in 2010, whereas the visual description indicates 'no idea' was the majority in that year. Additionally, some mathematical descriptions do not align with the provided data. To improve, ensure that the trends and figures are accurately mapped to the correct categories and focus on maintaining consistency between the overview and the specific details provided in the body paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of the report is somewhat logical, following a chronological order, but the progression of ideas is hindered by poor sentence structure. The overview is somewhat confusing because it attempts to list all categories while simultaneously making a summary claim that contradicts the data provided. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Regarding', 'Furthermore') to link sentences more smoothly. Avoid using conversational phrases like 'immediately catches the eye' or 'no idea?' in a formal report.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and often used incorrectly, which obscures meaning. There are several instances of awkward phrasing, such as 'making a business' instead of 'starting a business' or 'the option takes up mostly going to college'. There are also spelling errors like 'charst'. To improve, focus on learning precise collocations used in data description (e.g., 'accounted for', 'comprised', 'represented') and ensure that the words chosen fit the formal academic tone required for Task 1.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impact the readability of the report. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence construction (e.g., 'which made by senior school graduates' and 'the option takes up mostly going to college'). Many sentences are fragmented or poorly formed. To improve, practice constructing complex sentences using relative clauses and ensure that your verb tenses are appropriate for describing past data (using the past simple for 2010 and 2020).

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