Cause And Solution

Band 4+: 1. Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

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In present time offsprings are stressful because of education and community. This essay will discuss te main causes of stress-related including family expectations and major change in admissions criteria. This essay will also suggest some possible solutions to the problem improving academic record.

In regard to the problem, the major reasons which can be stated is that high expectations of parents. An other considerable cause entire change in enrolling criteria. Parent body is familiar with real life challenges which is difficult to face in future. They want to prepare them for next step as well. As the competition among universities and colleges creating problems for admission. They limited the number and increases the percentage. For example, in past time admission criteria was 65 percent and now it is 80 percentage in all academic record. This often leads to high level tension.

Maintaining academic record and taking part in extracurricular activities can lead to remain stress-free. Markable percentage will help to release tension about admission and career. Playing games and winning competitions is also an edge for admission. For instance, Punjab College Burewala give extra marks to those who has shown prominent performance.

In conclusion, in today’s fast paced world more and more children are facing pressure. This essay discussed how stress is often caused by parental body and strict rule for admission. This essay also suggested that the solution to this problem is twofold: to manage grades and participation in physical activities.

Word Count: 242

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

admission: 5

essay: 4

criteria: 3

problem: 3

academic: 3

percentage: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

5.5

The essay addresses the topic, but the discussion is limited and lacks depth. The writer identifies some causes of pressure on children, such as parental expectations and changes in admission criteria, but the explanations are brief and lack supporting details. The suggested solutions are also superficial and lack concrete examples. To improve, the writer should provide more nuanced and detailed explanations, and support their points with relevant examples. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The writer jumps abruptly from discussing causes to suggesting solutions without a clear connection. The paragraphs are not well-linked, and the transitions between ideas are unclear. To improve, the writer should use cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and linking words, to connect their ideas and create a clearer flow of thought.

Lexical Resource

The writer's vocabulary is limited, and there are several errors in word choice and usage. For example, 'offsprings' should be 'children', and 'entire change' is unclear. The writer also relies heavily on simple vocabulary and lacks precision in their word choice. To improve, the writer should expand their vocabulary and use more precise and nuanced language to convey their ideas.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement errors, tense inconsistencies, and incorrect use of prepositions. The writer also lacks variety in sentence structure, relying heavily on simple sentences. To improve, the writer should focus on correcting grammatical errors and varying their sentence structure to create more complex and nuanced sentences.

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