Opinion

Band 6+: In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

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In various nations it is not permitted to advertise alcohol. This essay completely agrees with this statement because it can decrease alcohol consumption in these countries and many adults will become less addicted to alcohol.

To begin with, the decrease on alcohol consumption will have positive impacts to the country, especially the economics of the country will increase over the next years. Most of the people who consumed alcohol will find new jobs, create a new family, or can become a successful person in the future. For example, sociology students at the Harvard university found that majority of the people, who stopped using alcohol, found a job with a high salary and created a new family. By restricting the advertisements about the alcohol, people can find their dreams come true.

In addition, by banning alcohol advertisements, many people will stop consuming alcohol, which might be beneficial for them. Many alcohol consumers can lead a healthy lifestyle after avoiding alcohol. For instance, according to a survey conducted by economics students at Cambridge University, 95 percent of former drinkers enhanced their health by doing lots of exercise every day. By avoiding alcohol, people can start a new life, where they can improve their health by doing lots of sports and exercises.

In conclusion, by prohibiting alcohol advertisements in a particular country, the economy of the country can increase significantly over the coming years. Furthermore, it might be a huge advantage for the former drinkers to start a new life, where they can do physical exercises in order to improve their health.

Word Count: 259

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

alcohol: 12

people: 5

country: 4

their: 4

advertisements: 3

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of agreement. The main ideas are relevant, but the development is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The arguments are supported with examples, but these are not fully convincing or detailed. To improve, provide more specific and credible evidence, and ensure that the link between banning advertisements and the claimed outcomes is clearly explained. Additionally, avoid overgeneralizations and strengthen the logical flow of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and the use of linking words (e.g., 'To begin with', 'In addition', 'In conclusion') helps guide the reader. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of smooth transitions between ideas within paragraphs. For example, the connection between the decrease in alcohol consumption and economic improvement could be more explicitly developed. Additionally, the conclusion repeats the introduction and body points without adding a final synthesis. To improve, work on creating more seamless transitions between sentences and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that flow naturally.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'advertise', 'consumption', 'addicted', 'prohibiting', 'beneficial'). There are attempts at more sophisticated phrases, such as 'positive impacts' and 'lead a healthy lifestyle'. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward collocations, such as 'decrease on alcohol consumption' (should be 'decrease in'), 'economics of the country will increase' (should be 'economy will improve'), and 'find their dreams come true' (should be 'achieve their dreams'). The vocabulary is functional but lacks the precision and naturalness of a higher band. To improve, focus on using more precise and natural collocations, and avoid repetitive phrasing (e.g., 'alcohol' is used frequently).

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences (e.g., 'By restricting the advertisements about the alcohol, people can find their dreams come true.') and conditional forms. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For example, 'the decrease on alcohol consumption' should be 'the decrease in alcohol consumption', 'the economics of the country will increase' should be 'the economy of the country will improve', and 'find their dreams come true' should be 'achieve their dreams'. Additionally, there are issues with article usage (e.g., 'the alcohol' should be 'alcohol' in some contexts) and subject-verb agreement. To improve, review grammar rules for prepositions, articles, and verb forms, and practice writing more varied sentence structures with greater accuracy.

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