Cause And Solution

Band 4+: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour, what do you think are causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Schools have severe problems because of actions and thinking way of childerens in many countries. This problems may include terrible things like bullying, vandalism anD even violence. In my opinion this kind of actions are happening because of bad family relationships and peer pressure. Because of this pressure some children think this is funny and good thing to do.

One main problem of the actions are the lack of education in family and socialisation issues. In normal standards students teached to not bully, and be a good people in young ages like 5-7 But in some situations this cannot be applied very well and this problem will cause a lot worse problems such as sentence at prison or any other life thereatening problems etc.

For a solution to this kind of problems is clearly is a good education and strong family relationships between children and his parents especially because parents are the most important person in child’s life. In my opinion education starts with family and the most important education is the parents education.Because chhild understand and do what their parents said and they will continue their life with that so thats the biggest part of the main problem if a child lack parental education and discipline that child going to be a problematic person.

In conclusion there arent any problematic child there are bad educated children and for me its curable they only need experienced people to change their life style

Word Count: 242

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

problems: 5

education: 5

because: 4

family: 4

parents: 4

actions: 3

children: 3

problem: 3

their: 3

child: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt (causes and solutions) and presents a clear position. However, the development of ideas is limited. While you identify family upbringing and peer pressure as causes, the explanation of how these factors lead to specific behaviors is quite brief. The connection between 'parental education' and the child's behavior could be explored in more depth to provide a more robust argument. To improve, try to extend your ideas by providing specific examples or explaining the 'why' and 'how' behind your claims. For instance, instead of just stating that peer pressure makes children think bullying is funny, you could explain how the desire for social acceptance drives this behavior. Additionally, ensure that your solutions are directly linked to the causes you mentioned; if peer pressure is a cause, you might suggest school-based programs to mitigate its effects, rather than focusing solely on the family unit. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In addition') to link sentences more smoothly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., using 'problems' and 'education' multiple times). There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'childerens', 'anD', 'thereatening', 'chhild') and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'thinking way' instead of 'mindset'). Aim to expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and collocations related to social issues, such as 'misbehavior', 'upbringing', 'social integration', or 'disciplinary measures'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this problems', 'parents are the most important person'), verb tense and form (e.g., 'students teached'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'For a solution to this kind of problems is clearly is...'). Work on mastering fundamental sentence structures, particularly how to form complex sentences using subordinating conjunctions, and pay close attention to singular/plural agreement.

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Band 4+: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour, what do you think are causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour, what do you think are causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour, what do you think are causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour, what do you think are causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour, what do you think are causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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