Positive And Negative

Band 4+: Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Right now people have the main problem with health thei are trying to find another way of medicines instead of go to doctor. In my view it is more negative then positive, for example in world a lot of people do helth by themselves. This essay will have written about how alternative medecine impcat to society and why visiting doctror is always the best choice.

Firstly some individuals do treatments by themself it is shown by Kazakhstan, how a lot of kazakh die day by day. For instance by following BBC news Kazakhstan increased gradually into the population of people. For support this avidance Kazakhstan scientists reserched the number of the general populace dicreased since 2012 that is the piont why people need to change their method about medecine.

Secondly couple of individuas choice a doctor rether then alternative ways, moreover it is save their lifes to positive way. Consequently it is their employment and they now how to solve directly.

For example scientists predict that people who believe to doctor will live more then who will not to want to give their life to doctor hands. In 2020 scientists dicided the general populace increased to 60% and with prediction to future if folk will concequence with healt by trust to doctor it will boost to 80% in 2030.

In conclusion i suggest, if the general populace will not to trust to doctor, the all nation or maybe the whole world will slowly dissapier. However i think if people will follow the instructions which will give by doctor, so everythink will be alright and individuals will live more then others who do not to trust to doctor.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

doctor: 8

people: 6

their: 4

kazakhstan: 3

scientists: 3

general: 3

populace: 3

trust: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the topic, but the development of ideas is limited and not always clear. The examples provided are not sufficiently elaborated and their relevance to the argument could be strengthened. To improve, focus on providing clearer explanations and more specific evidence to support your points. Also, ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the argument you are making.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. The introduction attempts to outline the essay's purpose, but it is not clearly articulated. The body paragraphs struggle to present coherent arguments and supporting evidence. Transitions between sentences and ideas are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the line of reasoning. The conclusion restates the main point but does not provide a strong sense of closure. To improve, focus on structuring each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow of thought.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of simple words and phrases. Word choices are often inaccurate or inappropriate for the context, hindering clarity and precision. There is little evidence of sophisticated vocabulary or idiomatic expressions. To enhance lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary through reading and vocabulary-building exercises. Pay attention to the nuances of word meanings and usage, and practice incorporating new words into your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors significantly impede comprehension and detract from the overall quality of the writing. There is limited evidence of complex sentence structures or sophisticated grammatical techniques. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Seek feedback on your writing from a teacher or tutor, and pay close attention to correcting errors in your work.

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