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Band 4+: Nowadays, many young people spend a large amount of their free time using social media. Why do young people spend so much time on social media? What effects can this have on their lives?

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Spending a lot of their free time to use social media between young people is a widely discussed issue today. This essay will discuss the main causes of this growing problem, including to spend so much time on social media and effects they have.

Social media has become an important part on our life, especially on young generation. It can help in any situation and people can obtain correct answers to their question. Social media seems like virus, induviduals depend on it. But they also use social media even they are on free time, they may just scrolling or play games and these are just for fun. As a result their brain is getting weak and tired easly.

The second problem about this topic is effects that young people get. Firts main effect is losing their valuable time. Wasting time to unproductive activities cause challenging to achieve their purpose. They could do some ufesul activities or make creative thing instead of using social media on their free time. In addition it might effect their health for example eyes and minds. Actually free time is a chance that giving us.

In conclusion. this problem arieses largely from excessive use of smartphones and a lack of interest in physical activities. In my opinion, this trend is concerning, as it may negatively affect young people’s mind.

Word Count: 223

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

media: 6

social: 5

young: 4

people: 3

problem: 3

activities: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for social media use and its effects, but the development is limited and lacks clarity. The position is present but not consistently clear. Main ideas are relevant but underdeveloped, with some repetition and vague statements. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on each point. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea, and avoid grammatical errors and informal language. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points more effectively. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections. The introduction presents the topic but does not clearly outline the causes and effects. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and the ideas are not logically developed. For example, the first body paragraph jumps from the importance of social media to its addictive nature without a smooth transition. The conclusion is brief and does not summarize the main points effectively. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'moreover', 'as a result') to link ideas more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more sophisticated words (e.g., 'induviduals', 'unproductive') but these are often used incorrectly or inappropriately. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'induviduals' should be 'individuals', 'easly' should be 'easily', 'Firts' should be 'First', 'ufesul' should be 'useful', 'arieses' should be 'arises') and word choice issues (e.g., 'on our life' should be 'in our life', 'on young generation' should be 'for the young generation'). To improve, expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and collocations, and practice using them in context. Also, proofread your work to eliminate spelling errors. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Spending a lot of their free time to use social media between young people is' should be 'Spending a lot of their free time using social media among young people is'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'to spend so much time' should be 'spending so much time'), and missing articles (e.g., 'an important part on our life' should be 'an important part of our lives'). There are also run-on sentences and punctuation errors (e.g., 'In conclusion. this problem arieses' should be 'In conclusion, this problem arises'). To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences correctly, and pay attention to punctuation. Reading more academic texts can help you internalize correct grammar structures.

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