Opinion

Band 4+: Parents should encourage their children to spend more time doing activities than studying. Agree&Disagree

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Nowadays, some people think that parents should encourage their children to spend most part of their time by doing physical activities, rather than studying. I disagree with this point of view and in this essay i will give my explanations.

According to some, children should do physical activities more than studying. I do not agree with this, because physical activities can not bring the same benefits as studying. Sport develope only physical power, when studying can develop intelligence and critical thinking. In modern world, to work somewhere, people should have education that they can get only by studying. That is why studying should take more time cause only studying can determine childrens future

Sports give short satisfactions and health, while studying give long stability.

Parents who put sports higher than studying, can limit potential of their child. Physical shape can be lost with ages, while knowledge can stay with person forever.This way, preference to sport can be a risk to academic future

In conclusion,I do not think that sport should overweight studying. Though physical activity is useful, only education provide long term success. Therefore, parents should encourage sports only as a supplement to studying

Word Count: 194

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

studying: 11

should: 6

physical: 6

their: 3

activities: 3

sport: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The main arguments are relevant but could be more fully extended and supported with specific examples or evidence. Additionally, there are some lapses in clarity and precision, and the essay would benefit from more cohesive linking of ideas. To improve, consider elaborating on each point with concrete illustrations and ensuring a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and underdeveloped ideas. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of studying to the limitations of sports could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is basic, and some paragraphs could be better linked. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and phrases, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed before moving to the next.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition (e.g., 'studying', 'physical activities'). There are attempts at more sophisticated phrases like 'long-term success' and 'academic future', but some word choices are imprecise (e.g., 'overweight' instead of 'outweigh'). To improve, expand your vocabulary to include more precise and varied terms, and use collocations naturally. Avoid informal or incorrect expressions, and ensure that word forms are used correctly (e.g., 'develope' should be 'develops'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a number of grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('Sport develope' should be 'Sports develop'), incorrect word forms ('childrens' should be 'children's'), and missing articles. There are also run-on sentences and punctuation issues. While some complex structures are attempted, they are not always accurate. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement, plural forms, and the use of articles. Practice writing more varied sentence structures with correct punctuation to enhance accuracy.

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