Opinion

Band 5+: Some people believe that determination is more important than natural ability when achieving success. To what extent do you agree?

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It is believed that to gain success, determination is more crucial than natural ability. Personally, I completely agree with this statement for several reasons.

The first reason is that determination can allow people to explore their different potential talents. In other words, after experiencing and fixing challenges, and failures, they can understand themselves better, which helps them to find their strong points and hobbies. As a result, people can mainly focus on those points to reach their dreams, and overcome other obstacles. In addition, hard work can inspire and motivate others. A determinated person in a group can encourages others studying and working together, which creats a positive environment.

Another reason is that if natural abilities are not combined with determination to practice every day, they may eventually disappear. For example, in sports or music, normal people can overcome innate ones to reach highest place. This is because they practice daily and understand their capacity, and talented individuals can fail without determination.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that natural ability can provide a head start, but determination is an element to reach their goals.

Word Count: 184

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

determination: 4

natural: 3

people: 3

reach: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, agreeing that determination is more important than natural ability. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but there are some lapses in precision and development. For instance, the first paragraph could be more focused on how determination specifically leads to success, and the second paragraph's example could be elaborated to strengthen the argument. Additionally, there are minor grammatical and lexical issues (e.g., 'determinated', 'creats', 'overcome innate ones') that slightly affect clarity. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develop ideas with more specific and detailed support. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The progression of ideas is generally smooth, and paragraphing is appropriate. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the link between the first and second reasons could be more explicit. Minor lapses in cohesion are present, such as the abrupt shift from discussing personal development to inspiring others.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, including terms like 'determination', 'natural ability', 'overcome obstacles', and 'head start'. There is some attempt at sophistication, but there are also instances of awkward phrasing and word choice, such as 'explore their different potential talents' and 'a determinated person'. The essay would benefit from more precise and natural collocations, and a wider variety of expressions to convey ideas more effectively.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Examples include 'a determinated person' (should be 'determined'), 'can encourages' (subject-verb agreement), 'creats' (spelling), and 'overcome innate ones' (missing article). Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences are run-ons or lack proper connectors. To improve, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, word forms, and sentence boundary control.

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