Discussion

Band 6+: some people say that historical sites such as pyramids should be open for public while others say that it should be closed. Discusss both views and give your opinion.

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For centuries, humans have built a plethora of buildings all over the planet. Many of which have survived the test of time and now become a historical site. Many people contend that historical sites should be completely isolated from the general public, while others believe that these heritage sites should be accessible to everyone. Although I agree that pupils should be educated about this field by being allowed to visit these buildings, on the whole I believe that the public should not be given the freedom to enter these sites without special consent.

On the one hand, these national heritages should be kept untouched and preserved from irresponsible visitors. Many such public sites have been hoarded by imprudent tourists that vandalize these precious buildings. For instance, in the Candi Borobudur temple, many parts of the temple have been rebuilt due to such vandalism. This diminishes the authenticity of the historical Buddhist temple. Therefore, I believe that these visitors should not be allowed to enter these historical estates.

While on the other hand, without passing these sites down to future generations, these buildings will be at risk of obsolescence. If the public is completely forbidden from crossing ancient estates, younger generations will be less informed about the history. Allowing youngsters to visit historical buildings kindle the spirit to pursue historical science.

In my opinion, historical sites should not be completely isolated for the public, but access should be restricted. Instead of being open to the public, access could be strictly given for specific people that are invited. For instance, students should be given ID cards to access historical sites for educational purposes.

In conclusion, while I believe that historical sites should not be open completely for the public, access should be solely granted for invited guests for specific reasons. On the one hand, tourists shouldn’t be allowed to cross important sites to avoid vandalism. But on the other hand, granting selective permission to students and researchers ensures that future generations can still engage with history without compromising the conservation of these ancient structures.

Word Count: 342

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 11

these: 10

historical: 9

sites: 9

public: 7

buildings: 5

completely: 4

believe: 4

access: 4

allowed: 3

given: 3

without: 3

temple: 3

generations: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, which is that historical sites should not be completely open to the public but should be accessible under restricted conditions. The arguments are relevant and supported with examples, such as the Candi Borobudur temple. However, there are some lapses in clarity and precision. For instance, the phrase 'hoarded by imprudent tourists' is unclear, and the development of the second view (public access) could be more detailed. To improve, ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on one view and provides more specific examples or reasoning. Additionally, refine the language to avoid vague expressions and maintain a formal tone throughout.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. The introduction presents both views and the writer's opinion, and each body paragraph addresses one view. However, the conclusion could be more concise and avoid repeating points already made. Additionally, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, such as the shift from the second body paragraph to the opinion paragraph.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some sophisticated choices (e.g., 'plethora', 'isolated', 'vandalize', 'obsolescence'). However, there are a few awkward or imprecise phrases (e.g., 'hoarded by imprudent tourists' should be 'damaged by careless tourists', 'kindle the spirit' could be more natural). Overall, the vocabulary is appropriate and mostly accurate, but there is room for more natural and precise expression. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and generally maintains good grammatical control. There are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'Many of which have survived' should be 'Many of them have survived', 'kindle the spirit' should be 'kindles the spirit' due to subject-verb agreement). Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences could be improved for clarity. Overall, the grammar is accurate enough to convey the message clearly, but there is room for improvement in terms of precision and naturalness.

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