Discussion

Band 4+: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.Discuss both there views and give your own opinion

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Some students desire to develop their skills in multi areas during their university life. Meanwhile, others felt that the main factor that students should focus on is their study. On this essay, I’m going to contend these thoughts from both positive and negative sides.

On the one hand, trying new adventures and experiencing many fields, may help people to develop theirselves and have a valuable proficiency when they faced with problems in their later life. However, paying their attention on unnecessary additions, could cause distractions to their studies and may waste their time. As this reason, their GPA and academic excellences would be fallen .

On the other hand, only concentrating on main proficiency lessons create possibilities to expand their feat even more and encourage them to be in demand on market. In contrast, students who just got same subjects during their study session couldn’t be multitasked when developed companies are seeking for worker who is talented in every field.

Overall, I see that, even it is human’s own choice to take liberal education or not if students do it would definitely be worth gain in this challenging society to earn living.

Word Count: 192

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

students: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. The main ideas are relevant but lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. Also, ensure a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, and refine your language for better precision. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are not always smooth, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. Consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link ideas and improve the overall coherence. Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively managed to group related ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks precision. There are instances of inappropriate word choice ('trying new adventures,' 'valuable proficiency,' 'academic excellences would be fallen,' 'expand their feat'). Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using more accurate and nuanced language would enhance the quality of your writing. Pay attention to collocations and use a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. These include issues with subject-verb agreement ('others felt'), verb tense ('faced with problems'), article usage ('on this essay'), and sentence structure (run-on sentences, awkward phrasing). There are also issues with punctuation. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing and proofreading to identify and correct errors. Consider using a grammar checker and seeking feedback from others to improve accuracy.

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