Opinion

Band 4+: Whether or not a person achieves their aims in life is mostly related to luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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This is widely believe that many people get success because of luck. Although there are some evidence of luck helped people fulfil their dream, but i firmly believe that perseverance is the key of achieving a person’s goal.

Persistancy of work for the aim should be required to achieve a goal. This is because if someone wants to persue what he aimed for but not work for it or tried to achieve it, there is no way he can get what he desire to achieve. For instacnce, people who work hard for their goal and be perseverat, have higher chance to achieve his desired aim. however, if a person only believe on luck but now work for it have high possibility that he might get failed to achieve anything. Consequently, to get succeed a person have to be perseverant and do the job in order to accompleshed the goal.

Additionally, Better knowledge and taking right decision are also important to achive something. this can be illustrated by, a person who dont have the clear goal or do not know what to do for his aim and not honest about the decision and time manangement is similar to a person who sololy believe on luck. thus, to be succeed one shuld have profer knowledge, capability and mind set for doing everything.

In conclusion, I believe some people might be blessed with luck but without profer guidence and persistancy of work one surely will failed to fulfil the dream he aimed for.

Word Count: 250

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

believe: 5

achieve: 5

people: 4

person: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position against the idea that luck is the main factor in achieving aims. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks sufficient support. The main points about perseverance and knowledge are relevant but not fully extended or illustrated with clear examples. There is some repetition and the conclusion is brief. To improve, provide more detailed examples and elaborate on how perseverance and knowledge lead to success, ensuring each paragraph fully develops a single idea. Additionally, pay attention to coherence and cohesion, and proofread to reduce errors in grammar and spelling.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can make the message harder to follow. For example, the second body paragraph introduces 'better knowledge and taking right decision' but does not fully develop this point. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic, use cohesive devices accurately (e.g., 'however', 'consequently', 'thus'), and proofread to eliminate errors that disrupt flow.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms like 'perseverance', 'persistent', and 'aim'. However, there are frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'persistancy', 'instacnce', 'accompleshed', 'profer') and incorrect word choices (e.g., 'believe on' instead of 'believe in', 'succeed' as a noun). To improve, expand your vocabulary and use a dictionary to check spelling and collocations. Try to incorporate more precise and varied lexical items, such as 'determination', 'diligence', 'meticulous planning', etc. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'there are some evidence'), incorrect tense usage, and sentence fragments. Punctuation is also inconsistent (e.g., missing capital letters after periods). To improve, focus on basic grammar rules: ensure subject-verb agreement, use correct verb tenses, and proofread for punctuation. Practice constructing complex sentences accurately. For example, 'Although there is some evidence that luck helps people fulfil their dreams, I firmly believe that perseverance is the key to achieving one's goals.'

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