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Band 5+: Number of discontinued university enrollments for every 1000 students (2015)

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The image depicts a bar chart titled "Number of discontinued university enrolments for every 1,000 students (2015)" with three categories: Business, Medicine, Education. In the Business category: Australia approximately 1.5, UK just under 2, Canada approximately 2, US around 5. In the Medicine category: Australia approximately 1, UK around 1.5, Canada slightly over 0.5, US near 2. In the Education category: Australia approaching 3, UK around 1.5, Canada just above 3, US approximately 5.5. The bars are patterned distinctly for each country without specifying numerical values beyond visual estimates.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given charts illustrate the numbers of discontinued university enrolments for every 1000 students in 2015.

Overall, the highest number of dropouts in education universities was recorded in Canada, in the UK had the largest proportion of students who discontinued their medicine studies and Australia having the highest figures in the business field.

In the Australia, nearly four undergraduates out of thousand left their business school, followed by the Canada with three university attendants leaving their courses.Notably, the UK and the US had the same figures,having two attendants who left their universities in every thousand students.

In medicine field, the UK lead the pack by five students in every 1000.The remaining countries had nearly the same numbers, the Australia and the US with two dropouts in every thousand students. There was only one dropout in the Canada.

The highest dropouts were recorded in education field, the Canada and the US had drop rate of 0.5% per one thousand students. Australia had the difference by 1 dropout, having 4 for each thousand learners. The lowest discontinued study rate was recorded in the UK with only 0.32%.

Word Count: 185

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 5

thousand: 5

every: 4

their: 4

australia: 4

discontinued: 3

highest: 3

dropouts: 3

recorded: 3

canada: 3

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Task Response

The report attempts to address the task and provides an overview, but there are significant issues with data accuracy and logical consistency. Many of the figures reported in the body paragraphs contradict both the visual description and the student's own overview. For example, the overview claims Australia had the highest figures in business, but the body paragraph provides different numbers, and the medicine section contains figures that do not align with the provided data. Additionally, there is confusion between absolute numbers (per 1,000 students) and percentages (%), which can mislead the reader. To improve, ensure that the data extracted from the charts is recorded accurately and that the trends described in the overview are consistently supported by the specific details in the body paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas is occasionally hindered by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Some sentences are run-on or lack proper conjunctions, which makes the flow feel disjointed. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' 'Regarding...') and ensure that each sentence is a complete, independent thought. Pay close attention to sentence boundaries to avoid comma splices.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to vary the vocabulary (e.g., 'discontinued university enrolments', 'dropouts', 'attendants', 'learners'), but many terms are used inaccurately. For instance, 'attendants' is not the correct term for university students, and 'lead the pack' is somewhat too informal for an academic report. Additionally, there is confusion between absolute numbers and percentages (e.g., using '0.5%' to describe a rate per thousand). Aim for more precise academic collocations and ensure that the terminology used is appropriate for a statistical report.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede communication. There are issues with article usage (e.g., 'In the Australia', 'the Canada'), subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure (e.g., 'in the UK had the largest proportion...'). The use of prepositions and the way numbers are expressed are also inconsistent. To improve, practice the correct use of definite and indefinite articles with country names and work on complex sentence structures, ensuring that subordinate clauses are correctly attached to main clauses.

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