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Band 6+: Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

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Image for topic: Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

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The image contains two pie charts. In 2007: Residential 28%, Commercial 23%, Transport 7%, Manufacturing 12%, Aluminium 13%, Agriculture 1%, Mining 4%, Other metals 12%. In 2010: Residential 28%, Commercial 23%, Transport 6%, Manufacturing 9%, Aluminium 11%, Agriculture 1%, Mining 9%, Other metals 13%.

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The diagrams compare the proportion of electricity consumed by different sectors, such as transport, residential, commercial, agricultures, mining, aluminium, manufacturing, and other metals in the east of Australia in 2007 and 2010.

Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the residential area consumed the most amount of electricity, whereas, transport and aluminium consumed the least amount of electricity.

To begin with, residential and transport areas did not change in amount of consuming electricity. Meanwhile, other metals consumed more electricity in 2010 (18%), than in 2007 (12%), and manufacturing used less electricity in 2010 (9%), rather in 2007 (13%).

Three different sectors, such as mining (9%), agriculture (1%), and commercial (23%) consumed the same amount of electricity in both years. Meanwhile, aluminium used 13% of electricity in 2007, and in 2010, it used only 11% of the whole electricity.

Word Count: 141

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

electricity: 8

consumed: 5

amount: 4

transport: 3

residential: 3

aluminium: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task by summarizing the information presented in the pie charts. The overview is clear, and the main features are identified. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported (e.g., 'other metals consumed more electricity in 2010 (18%)' should be 13%). To improve, ensure all data cited is accurate and consider grouping sectors to highlight key trends more effectively. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a generally clear overview and identifies key trends. However, the organization could be improved for better flow. Consider grouping similar trends together (e.g., sectors with increased consumption vs. decreased consumption). The use of cohesive devices is adequate but could be more varied to enhance the connection between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using 'In contrast' or 'Similarly' could improve the flow.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to describe the data. However, there's room to enhance the precision and sophistication of word choice. For instance, instead of 'amount of consuming electricity,' consider using 'electricity consumption' or 'electricity usage.' Explore synonyms to avoid repetition and add nuance to your descriptions.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are present and affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate preposition usage. For example, 'agricultures' should be 'agriculture,' and 'rather in 2007 (13%)' should be 'than in 2007 (13%).' Proofreading carefully is essential to minimize these errors.

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Band 6+: Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

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Answers On The Same Topic:

Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

Percentage of electricity consumed y different sectors in east australia in 2007 and 2010

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