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Band 4+: Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The line graph illustrates sales in dubai in terms of gold which given by million of dirhams , during the 2002

Ovarall it is clear that the amount of gold sales in dubai were rapid a fluctuated however at the end period the gold sales maintaned the same level.

Dubai gold sales increased minimaly from 200 to 225 between January and February. After this minimaly change, starting at 225 in february, the number of dubai gold sales went up dramaticly to 350 in mart. While there was a enormaus decline in the number of gold sales which declined from 350 to 125 between march and april. At the ending of the year dubai gold sales climbed moderately to 175. The number of the dubai gold sales hit a peak of 350 in march. While gold sales reached the lowest point of 125 on july and september.

Word Count: 146

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sales: 9

dubai: 5

number: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the main trends and provides specific data points to support the description of the graph. It includes an overview and identifies key features such as peaks and troughs. However, the response would benefit from better logical organization, as some information is repetitive (e.g., mentioning the peak in March twice). Additionally, ensuring more precise use of temporal markers and improving the accuracy of grammatical structures would enhance the overall clarity and flow of the report. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks a logical flow and suffers from fragmented sentence structures. Several sentences begin with 'While', which creates dependent clauses that are not attached to a main clause, resulting in sentence fragments. To improve, ensure that every sentence is a complete thought. Additionally, the organization of information is somewhat repetitive, as the peak and low points are mentioned after the chronological progression has already been attempted. Try to group information more logically, such as describing trends in one paragraph and specific highs/lows in another, while ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use descriptive vocabulary (e.g., 'rapidly', 'fluctuated', 'enormous decline'), but there are frequent spelling errors such as 'Ovarall', 'maintaned', 'minimaly', 'dramaticly', 'mart', and 'enormaus'. Furthermore, some word choices are awkward or used incorrectly, such as 'the number of dubai gold sales' (sales are usually measured in value/amount, not 'number'). To improve, focus on the correct spelling of common academic adverbs and adjectives, and practice using collocations related to data description (e.g., 'experienced a dramatic increase' instead of 'went up dramaticly'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains significant grammatical errors that impede readability. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'amount... were'), incorrect preposition usage, and improper sentence construction. The use of 'which given by' in the introduction is ungrammatical; it should be 'which is given in'. There is also a lack of control over complex structures, leading to the aforementioned sentence fragments. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures (Subject + Verb + Object) before attempting complex sentences, and pay close attention to tense consistency and article usage.

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