Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar chart below gives information on the number of workers on different occupatios who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012

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Image for topic: The bar chart below gives information on the number of workers on different occupatios who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012

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The image displays a bar chart showing the number of skilled migrants to Australia from 2009-2012 in thousands: Accountants: 2009 (18), 2010 (20), 2011 (22), 2012 (26); Cooks: 2009 (9), 2010 (10), 2011 (12), 2012 (15); Software Engineers: 2009 (11), 2010 (12), 2011 (12), 2012 (14); Computer Programmers: 2009 (2), 2010 (3), 2011 (3), 2012 (5).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The column chart demonstrates how many people who migrated to Australia worked in 4 different sectors of job from 2009 to 2012.

Overall, it can be seen that while the number of migrators working at accountant and computer programmer occupations both grew, the opposite was true for that at cook’s sector and software engineer sectors. It was also notable that the large number of people who joined to work in the accountant’s sector in 2010, so the figure for people working as an accountant reached a peak at the same time.

In the beginning of the period, the number of people who worked as an accountant was the highest column, with 20 thousand workers, while that of workers joining in working as a computer programmer was the lowest one, with just close to 3 thousand people. Over a 10-year period, the figure of residents working for the accountant sector reached a peak in the year 2010, with nearly 27 thousand people. After 2 years, it witnessed a fluctuation, but the number of people working as an accountant still increased slightly by nearly 1 thousand people. Whereas the figure for computer programmers also witnessed a fluctuation and it grew remarkably, from nearly 3 thousand people to 5 thousand people.

In another hand, the number of chiefs ranked at the third place in 2009, with nearly 17 thousand people, while that of software engineers was significantly higher than that one, with nearly 19 thousand people. After 3 years, the number of people working for the cook sector witnessed a fluctuation and it fell slightly by nearly 2 thousand people. Besides, the figure for software engineers saw a gradual growth in 2 years, but it decreased significantly by nearly 4 thousand people in the last year of the period.

Word Count: 296

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 14

thousand: 10

nearly: 7

number: 6

working: 6

accountant: 5

sector: 4

figure: 4

while: 3

computer: 3

software: 3

period: 3

years: 3

witnessed: 3

fluctuation: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by describing the bar chart data on skilled migrants to Australia from 2009 to 2012. However, there are several inaccuracies and misinterpretations in the data, such as misstating the starting values for accountants (18, not 20) and cooks (9, not 17), and incorrectly describing trends (e.g., stating that cook and software engineer numbers decreased overall, while the data shows increases). The overview is partially correct but contains errors (e.g., claiming a peak in 2010 for accountants, which is not supported by the data). The report also includes some irrelevant or confusing statements (e.g., 'over a 10-year period' when the period is 4 years). To improve, focus on accurately reporting the key trends and comparisons, ensure the overview reflects the main features without errors, and avoid introducing unsupported claims. Organize the information clearly, perhaps by comparing occupations or years, and proofread for factual consistency.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a logical structure with an introduction, an overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by unclear referencing (e.g., 'that at cook's sector and software engineer sectors') and awkward transitions (e.g., 'In another hand'). The paragraphing is attempted but could be more skillfully managed to separate trends more clearly. To improve, use clearer cohesive devices and ensure each paragraph focuses on a distinct set of information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks the range and sophistication expected for a higher score. There are some inaccuracies and unnatural phrases (e.g., 'migrators', 'the large number of people who joined to work', 'chiefs' instead of 'cooks'). To improve, use more precise and varied terms (e.g., 'migrants', 'professionals', 'occupations') and avoid informal or incorrect word choices. The report would benefit from more natural collocations and less repetition. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and awkward structures that affect clarity (e.g., 'so the figure for people working as an accountant reached a peak at the same time', 'it witnessed a fluctuation'). Punctuation and sentence construction are sometimes faulty. To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures accurately, such as complex sentences with correct subordination, and ensure subject-verb agreement and tense consistency throughout.

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