Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar charts gives information about four different instruments that were learned by undergraduates in three time periods (205,2010,2015)

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Image for topic: The bar charts gives information about four different instruments that were learned by undergraduates in three time periods (205,2010,2015)

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The image depicts a bar chart illustrating undergraduate involvement in learning four instruments across 2005, 2010, and 2015. In 2005, Piano: 5%, Drums: 10%, Guitar: 10%, Violin: 2%. In 2010, Piano: 10%, Drums: 10%, Guitar: 25%, Violin: 5%. In 2015, Piano: 30%, Drums: 12%, Guitar: 40%, Violin: 8%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the data about four different musical instruments that were learned by first-degree candidates.

Overall, it is clear that guitar and piano experienced an upward trend, while the violin and drums showed a decline in the decade.

The learning process on the piano and guitar were at simillar point, nearly at 10% in 2005. In 2010 percentage of students who learned playing on the piano grew to 20%, while the figure of the guitar remained below 20%. After 5 years rate of both instrument increased dramatically. The share of undergraduates who played the piano reached just under 40%, the guitar’s percentage was 40%.

The proportion of students who chose the drums hit the lowest point between 2005 and 2010. In 2015 the point reached less than 10%. In 2005 proportion of violin was 10%. In 2010 percentage drastically fell approximately for by 1-2% and in next 5 yearspoint reached 5%.

Word Count: 153

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

piano: 4

guitar: 3

point: 3

percentage: 3

reached: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and provides an overview, but it contains several inaccuracies and omissions. The overall trend is correctly identified, but specific data points are often incorrect (e.g., piano at 20% in 2010, guitar below 20%, drums below 10% in 2015, violin at 10% in 2005). Additionally, the description of the violin trend is unclear and contradictory. To improve, ensure that all data is accurately reported and that trends are described clearly and consistently. Also, avoid vague phrases like 'the point reached' and check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'simillar', 'yearspoint').

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction and an overview, and it groups the instruments logically. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear references (e.g., 'the point reached less than 10%' and 'in next 5 yearspoint reached 5%'). The use of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences are abrupt. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure each sentence clearly connects to the next. Also, consider using more precise language to describe trends and data.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary for describing trends (e.g., 'upward trend', 'decline', 'increased dramatically', 'hit the lowest point'). However, there is repetition of words like 'percentage' and 'point', and some phrases are awkward or inaccurate (e.g., 'the learning process on the piano', 'the figure of the guitar remained below 20%'). To improve, expand your range of synonyms and use more precise and natural collocations (e.g., 'the proportion of students', 'the percentage of learners', 'experienced a rise'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'The learning process on the piano and guitar were at simillar point' has subject-verb agreement and spelling errors. Also, 'In 2010 percentage of students who learned playing on the piano grew to 20%' is missing an article and uses an incorrect verb form. The sentence 'In 2015 the point reached less than 10%' is vague and grammatically awkward. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofread to correct spelling and punctuation errors.

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