Bar Chart

Band 4+: The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image depicts a bar chart comparing the number of people employed in five types of work in 2001 and 2008; Sales: ~160,000 (2001), ~145,000 (2008); Accounting: ~150,000 (2001), ~90,000 (2008); Computing: ~70,000 (2001), >50,000 (2008); Nursing: ~60,000 (2001), >40,000 (2008); Farming: ~25,000 (2001), ~20,000 (2008). The Y-axis shows the number of people employed, ranging from 0 to 180000, marked at 20000 intervals.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided bar Chart illustreates the number of public employed differrents tyeps of Job in Australia between 2001 and 2008

Overcall, it can be seen that, most of the people worked in Sales service in both years, While, Farming is the least of citizens was interrested on this sector.

In 2001, Sales sector was a demandable Work than others sectore, It Was 1.5 lakhs people Worked in this department. However the Accounting sectore awas less than sales Sectore. It around 1 Lakhs Lower than sales groups. Furthermore Bout computer and nursing deparement was the same Interested. They were Thousand people working. There both section. Nevertheless the Farming section was the least of the people working there. It about only 20000 people respectively.

In 2008, The sales department was the highest number of individual worked on this sector. Moreover the accounting department was lower than Sales section. It was working only near by 69000. Worker employed worked in the sector. Same as the nursing sector. but computer sector employed was more than accounting and. Computing nursing section. additionally Farming department was small group of worker working there. It just near 20 thousand.

Word Count: 191

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sales: 6

people: 5

sector: 5

worked: 4

department: 4

working: 4

section: 4

employed: 3

farming: 3

sectore: 3

accounting: 3

nursing: 3

there: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are noticeable issues with organization, accuracy, and language. The overview is present but could be more insightful. The body paragraphs contain some inaccuracies in the data reported and lack precise comparisons. Grammatical errors and imprecise language affect clarity. To improve, focus on providing more accurate data, using comparative language effectively, and ensuring grammatical correctness.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat clear, but the flow of information could be improved. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, use transition words to show relationships between data points and to guide the reader through the comparison of the two years. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and that sentences within the paragraph logically support that focus.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which limits the precision and sophistication of the report. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to employment trends and numerical comparisons. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'worked,' consider alternatives like 'were employed,' 'held positions,' or 'were engaged in.' Also, use more precise language when describing quantities and changes, such as 'a significant decrease' or 'a marginal increase.' Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. For example, ensure that verb tenses are consistent and appropriate for the context. Proofread carefully to identify and correct these errors, and consider using grammar resources to reinforce your understanding of English grammar rules.

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