Line Graph

Band 4+: The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image shows a line graph depicting international student enrollment at Sheffield University from 2005 to 2009: In 2005, Iran had nearly 160, Greece had about 80, and Turkey had roughly 20 students; by 2006, Iran had approximately 140, Greece around 70, and Turkey about 40 students; in 2007, Iran's enrollment dropped to about 120, Greece's declined to roughly 65, while Turkey's rose to nearly 60; by 2008, Iran plummeted to around 40, Greece remained steady at about 75, with Turkey increasing to roughly 80; in 2009, Iran decreased further to around 20, Greece surged to about 160, and Turkey's numbers settled at approximately 120.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line graph illustrates the number of enrollments of Iranian, Greek and Turkish school-leavers at Sheffield University from 2005 to 2009.

In general, while there was a gradual growth in Iranian and Turkish student participation in this educational institution, the number of young individuals enrolling at the university in Greece decreased dramatically

During the initial year, 90% of school-leavers in Greece pursued higher education in Sheffield university in the total global student enrolment. In the next 2 years, fewer students chose to study at this intuition, falling to 60 individuals.Finally, the data bottomed out at approximately 20 people.

In 2006, Iran recorded twice as student enrollments as Turkey, respectively 40 and 20 residents. In the mid-2006, the data shows that both countries reached the same number, above 60 applications.After that ,there was significant increase in the number of students from Turkey and Iran. In 2009, Sheffield university attracted to 160 Iranian individuals and 120 Turkish ones.

Word Count: 156

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 4

university: 4

iranian: 3

turkish: 3

sheffield: 3

student: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but includes inaccurate information and misinterprets the data presented in the line graph. Key points are not always relevant or accurate, and there are misunderstandings of the trends and figures. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data, avoid making claims not supported by the graph, and ensure a clear understanding of the trends for each country.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks a clear overall structure and the information is not presented in a logical order. The flow of ideas is difficult to follow, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak. Paragraphing needs improvement to group related information effectively. For example, the general overview in the second paragraph is not well-connected to the details that follow. Try to organize the information by country or by time period to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which limits the ability to convey the information accurately and concisely. There is an over-reliance on simple words and phrases. For example, using 'number of young individuals enrolling' instead of 'student enrollment' adds unnecessary length without adding value. To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to trends and comparisons, such as 'increased,' 'decreased,' 'fluctuated,' 'peaked,' 'remained stable,' etc. Also, avoid using percentages when the graph provides absolute numbers.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. For example, 'In general, while there was a gradual growth in Iranian and Turkish student participation in this educational institution, the number of young individuals enrolling at the university in Greece decreased dramatically' is a convoluted sentence. To improve, focus on using correct grammar and sentence structure. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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