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Band 4+: The table shows information about department stores and online stores in Australia in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The image shows a table comparing department and online stores in four categories: number of businesses, profit, sales revenue, and growth; department stores have 67 businesses, 807 million AUD profit, 12,700 million AUD sales revenue, and 0.4% growth, while online stores have 368 businesses, 863 million AUD profit, 13,400 million AUD sales revenue, and 0.6% growth.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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This table compares department stores and online stores in terms of number of business, profit, sales revenue, and the growth. There are manifest differences between these two forms of stores. Overall, online stores have higher figures than department stores across all categories.

First of all, the number of businesses on online stores is approximately five times the number of department stores. Secondly, Online stores’ profit is bigger than department stores by 56 million AUD. In addition to this, onlilne stores have the higher sales revenue compared to department stores by 700 million AUD. Also, online stores have a bit bigger figure on the growth than department stores by 0.2%.

These information are illustrated by the chart.

Word Count: 116

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

stores: 12

department: 6

online: 5

number: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively addresses the task by identifying the main trends and making relevant comparisons between the two types of stores. The overview is clear, and the data points are accurately extracted from the description. To improve, ensure more variety in sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrasing (e.g., 'online stores have...'). Additionally, be careful with minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ('These information are' should be 'This information is') and spelling ('onlilne'). The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a basic logical structure, but the progression is somewhat mechanical due to the repetitive use of simple cohesive devices like 'First of all', 'Secondly', 'In addition to this', and 'Also'. To improve, try to integrate these points more fluidly using complex sentence structures. Additionally, the concluding sentence is inappropriate for a Task 1 report; you should not state that the information is illustrated by the chart, as the reader can already see that. Instead, use the conclusion to summarize the main trend if you haven't already done so in the overview.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., using 'bigger' and 'higher' repeatedly). To achieve a higher score, you should employ more precise academic synonyms. For example, instead of 'bigger figure', use 'higher proportion', 'greater margin', or 'more significant amount'. There are also spelling errors, such as 'onlilne', which should be avoided. Aim to use more varied comparative structures to describe the differences between the two sectors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical inaccuracies that affect the professional tone of the report. For instance, 'number of business' should be plural ('number of businesses'), and 'These information are' is incorrect because 'information' is an uncountable noun (it should be 'This information is'). There are also issues with preposition usage, such as 'on online stores' instead of 'of online stores'. Work on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of countability to improve your accuracy.

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