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Band 5+: The table shows information about the numbers of Australian people who visited the seven most popular destinations in 1999 and 2009

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The image displays a table detailing the number of Australians visiting seven destinations in 1999 and 2009, alongside growth rates: New Zealand had 500,700 visitors in 1999, 1,064,000 in 2009, with a 113% growth rate; United Kingdom saw 405,000 in 1999, 640,000 in 2009, with a 60% growth; United States received 300,000 in 1999, 330,000 in 2009, with a 10% rise; Indonesia had 150,000 in 1999, 330,400 in 2009, with a 127% increase; Fiji attracted 120,000 in 1999, 257,000 in 2009, showing a 114% growth; Japan noted 100,000 in 1999, 220,000 in 2009, marking a 120% increase; China had 86,000 in 1999, 300,000 in 2009, with a notable 249% growth rate.

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The data illustrates information about the number of Australian people who visited the seven most popular countries in 1999 and 2009

Overall , the three countries are China , Japan and Indonesia, which had the most increased growth rate in 10 years , and the other four countries are Fiji , New Zealand , UK and US.

The highest in the most popular destinations which Australian people visited was New Zealand , it had 500.700 visitors in 1999 , and was the biggest in 2009 , visitors count was 1.064.000 , in 10 years growth rate increased to 113%. The United Kingdom and United States also had a large number of individuals in 1999 and 2009 , but they are the two smallest growth rates in the seven countries, which had 60% and 33% rises.

Countries with under 100.000 numbers of visitors are Indonesia and Fiji , they had 150.000 and 120.000 in 1999, also they had a little bit more increase than New Zealand ( 114% and 127%).

Japan and China were the smallest in 1999 and 2009 , however they had a vast growth in the growth table with 150% and 249%. As we can see, even if China had the biggest percentage growth rate , it was smaller than Indonesia.

Word Count: 213

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

growth: 6

countries: 4

china: 3

indonesia: 3

which: 3

zealand: 3

visitors: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, providing an overview of the data and making some comparisons. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For instance, the growth rate for the United States is incorrectly stated as 33% instead of 10%. To improve, ensure all data is accurately represented and consider a more structured approach to the body paragraphs, perhaps grouping countries by growth rate or visitor numbers for clearer comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents some information in a logical order, but the overall structure could be improved for better flow. The 'Overall' statement is a good start, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. Consider grouping information more thematically (e.g., countries with high growth vs. low growth) and using transition words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use 'In contrast' or 'Similarly' to link related points. Paragraphing needs improvement to create a more cohesive and understandable text.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'had' or 'was,' try using synonyms like 'recorded,' 'experienced,' or 'accounted for.' Also, consider using more specific vocabulary related to tourism and statistics, such as 'significant increase,' 'substantial growth,' or 'outperformed.' This will enhance the sophistication of your language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage ('the,' 'a,' 'an'). For example, 'the three countries are China' should be 'the three countries are China, Japan, and Indonesia'. Also, review sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence conveys a clear and concise message. Proofreading carefully for these errors will significantly improve the grammatical accuracy of your writing.

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