Letter

Band 6+: You recently bought a new laptop from an electronics store. However, when you opened the box at home, you discovered that the laptop was scratched and some accessories (like the charger) were missing. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter: Give details of your purchase (date, store location, laptop model). Explain the problems with the laptop and the box. State what action you expect the manager to take.

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Dear Sir Manager.

I hope you are doing well.

I am writing to inform you that I have bought an open box gaming laptop 2 days ago from your store and I have chosen it to play heavy video games and also to help me to work as a programmer.

Unfortunately, I have experienced several problems while I am using it. First, the laptop hibernate by itself, so that I have searched about the problem then found that the battery makes this issue for example: the laptop was plugged into the charger and the battery was full, then the laptop sent me a notification that the battery percentage is zero. Second, when I play video games the hard desk becomes too hot and the laptop restart and displays the BSOD screen then it restarts and takes me to the bios and display a message that the hard desk isn’t detected. Moreover, if I didn’t play video games and use the laptop for offices such as: word, excel and ppt the screen becomes black and the laptop stays turned on.

I am asking if it is possible to change the laptop, fix it or refund it so that I can continue my work and play video games without any issues or crashes.

Thank you in advance.

Best regards,

Ahmad Abdulrahman

Word Count: 219

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

laptop: 8

video: 4

games: 4

battery: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

Your letter addresses all three bullet points: it explains when and why you bought the laptop, describes the problems, and states what you want the manager to do. The purpose is clear and the tone is appropriate. To improve, ensure your letter is more concise and well-organized, and proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'I have bought' should be 'I bought', 'hibernate' should be 'hibernates', 'hard desk' should be 'hard drive', and 'for offices such as: word, excel and ppt' could be rephrased as 'for office applications such as Word, Excel, and PowerPoint'. Additionally, consider structuring your letter with clear paragraphs for each bullet point to enhance readability.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter is logically organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and run-on sentences. For example, the sentence 'First, the laptop hibernate by itself, so that I have searched about the problem then found that the battery makes this issue for example: ...' is long and confusing. To improve, break long sentences into shorter, clearer ones, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'Therefore') more effectively. Paragraphing is adequate, but ensure each paragraph has a single clear focus.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the task, with some good attempts at technical terms (e.g., 'BSOD screen', 'hard desk' instead of 'hard drive'). However, there are several word choice errors and informal expressions that reduce precision. For example, 'hibernate by itself' should be 'hibernates on its own', 'hard desk' should be 'hard drive', and 'for offices such as: word, excel and ppt' is awkward. To improve, use more precise and formal vocabulary, and avoid informal abbreviations like 'ppt'. Also, ensure correct collocations (e.g., 'experienced problems' is fine, but 'makes this issue' should be 'causes this issue').

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include: 'I have bought' should be 'I bought' (past simple for a specific past action), 'the laptop hibernate' should be 'the laptop hibernates', 'the hard desk becomes too hot' should be 'the hard drive becomes too hot', and 'the laptop restart' should be 'the laptop restarts'. There are also issues with articles, prepositions, and sentence structure (e.g., 'so that I have searched' should be 'so I searched'). To improve, review subject-verb agreement, use of tenses, and sentence boundaries. Practice writing with a variety of complex structures, but ensure accuracy.

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

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