Letter

Band 6+: You saw an advertisement for a volunteer position at a local community center that helps elderly people with technology. Write a letter to the center coordinator applying for the role. You should include details about: - why you want to volunteer for this specific organization - what skills or experience you have that would be helpful - your availability during the week.

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Hi Sir Alex,

I am writing this letter to apply for a volunteer position for an events you are organizing for elderly people. My heart is very close to senior citizens as I have been raised by my maternal grandmother since my parents decided to go overseas for work. She treated me like her own child and gave her best to provide everything that I needed. The reason why I would love to join these events is to return what I received from my grandmother by making people at her age fell well-loved, cared and happy.

Nowadays, people at the age of 60s and beyond do love dancing such as ballroom and rumba which I am good at because I was a dance instructor before. I can teach them some basic steps and make them perform on the day of event.

I am available anytime during week as I have cancel my plans for these events.

I am hoping to hear from you soon!

Kind regards,

Gretchen

Word Count: 167

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses all three bullet points required by the task. The candidate provides a personal motivation, relevant experience (dance instructor), and availability. However, the response could be improved by refining the tone and expanding on the details. The salutation 'Hi Sir Alex' is somewhat informal for a job application; a more professional opening like 'Dear Mr. [Surname]' or 'Dear Center Coordinator' would be more appropriate. Additionally, the explanation regarding availability ('I have cancel my plans') is slightly awkward and could be phrased more professionally to indicate a flexible schedule. To reach a higher score, ensure the connection between the skills and the specific needs of a community center is more clearly articulated and maintain a consistent formal or semi-formal tone throughout.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter follows a logical progression, addressing all three prompts from the task. However, the transitions between ideas are somewhat abrupt. To improve, use more sophisticated linking words to connect your personal motivation to your professional skills. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, distinct purpose. The transition from your personal story to your dancing skills could be smoother.

Lexical Resource

You have used some good emotive language, such as 'my heart is very close to,' which helps convey your motivation. However, there is some repetition and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'making people at her age fell well-loved'). To reach a higher band, try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to community service and event organization, such as 'fostering a sense of community,' 'facilitating activities,' or 'engaging with the elderly.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that impact the flow of the letter. Specifically, watch out for verb tense consistency (e.g., 'fell' instead of 'feel', 'I have cancel' instead of 'I have cancelled') and article usage (e.g., 'for an events'). There are also issues with prepositional phrases and sentence structure. Focus on mastering subject-verb agreement and the correct use of past and present participles to improve clarity.

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