Opinion

Band 6+: A lot of research has shown that overeating can have a number of negative effects on the body. Some people therefore believe that the advertising of certain foods should be banned in the same way that some countries have banned advertising cigarettes. Do you agree or disagree?

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A lot of research has demonstrated that eating big amounts and low quality of food can have significant consequences on the body. Some people argue that promotion of unhealthy food should be prohibited in the same way that some countries have advertised cigarettes as illegal. I completely agree with this statement which will argue that ads of unhealthy food affects especially the young generation and excess of food consumed can cause serious health issues, while, secondly, that replacing this propaganda for good health advice could encourage society to have a better quality of life.

Advertisements of low food quality are prejudicial to all society but the youngest generation is the most vulnerable of this. The reason for that is because food companies oriented this publicity in kids channels due to the fact that they do not have knowledge sufficient to identify if a product is healthy or not. The result of overeating chunk food could cause the appearance of diseases, inclusive in children, such as hypertension, heart problems, skin infections or type 2 diabetes. For instance, It was demonstrated by the World Health Organization that Latin American countries in the last 5 years increased 10 % of children between 5 to 12 years old having pre-diabetes or type 2 diabetes. It was recognised that the main reason for this is the high consumption of food rich in sugar, fats and sodium.

On the other hand, multiple communication channels are selecting what to public and what to avoid with respect to food ads. Instead, healthy food options and how to improve community health advice is more often to watch in some channels such as TV, youtube or social media. As a result, the general public feel more encouraged to have a healthy life and if they do not watch unhealthy food advertisements they do not feel a necessity to buy it. In Argentina in 2018, The government banned propaganda of energy drinks in TV channels watched specially for teenagers, almost immediately this product high in sugar and additives decreased sales in the market.

In conclusion, advertisements of unhealthy food affect the society especially children having as a result issues in their health. Governments and food companies could control and improve this with publicity of good quality of food and health advice to motivate the society to improve their wellbeing.

Word Count: 388

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

health: 6

quality: 4

unhealthy: 4

society: 4

channels: 4

advice: 3

could: 3

healthy: 3

result: 3

children: 3

improve: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples. However, there could be more focus and precision in developing some of the supporting ideas. To improve, ensure each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the main argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a clear position and presents arguments to support it. However, the organization could be improved for better flow. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, making it slightly difficult to follow the line of reasoning. For example, in the first paragraph, the transition from the general statement to the specific arguments could be smoother. In the second paragraph, the connection between the initial statement and the example from the World Health Organization could be more explicit. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that transitions clearly link ideas within and between paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' 'therefore') could also enhance the essay's flow.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing. For example, 'eating big amounts and low quality of food' could be rephrased for clarity and impact. Similarly, 'chunk food' is not a standard term and could be replaced with a more appropriate alternative like 'junk food' or 'processed food.' To enhance lexical resource, focus on using more precise and nuanced vocabulary. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural. Reviewing and refining word choices can significantly improve the overall quality of the essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and awkward phrasing affect clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. For example, 'ads of unhealthy food affects especially the young generation' contains errors in verb agreement and word order. Similarly, 'The government banned propaganda of energy drinks' could be improved for clarity and grammatical correctness. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on proofreading carefully for common errors. Practice using a variety of sentence structures correctly and pay attention to the nuances of English grammar rules. Seeking feedback from a language tutor or using grammar-checking tools can also be beneficial.

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