Discussion

Band 5+: Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution in these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

It is often argued that eco-system issues are mainly caused by the cultivation of technology.A good numbers of individual tend to view that the only solution to these obstacles is that accepting it in a simple way,whereas others hold an opposing view that the progress of technology can make these concerns vanished.This essay will discuss both view and the reasons for my position.

There are a number of reason why people consider that a straightforward life can keep them away from the difficulties of fostering technology.This is mainly because residents who stay out of the city or even downtown do not get attached with so many challenges.Even though there is a fallacy that people love to spend time with this development.For instance, if any person lives nearby the rural areas,they can explore the nature as well as it would be easy for then to address themselves in a particular disaster.A study published by world bank also found that people who exert effort to stay in a village could lead a sustainable life.

Despite the above arguments, it cannot be denied that The proliferation of technology has made our life more convenient. there is a compelling theory that not only is digital-machines can alleviate the troubles for the environment ,but also it could provide a specific plan to desing a footprint in terms of making the overall eco system favourable.However, some time over-reliance on technology can make us dissapointing.

In conclusion,although both perspective some merit,i believe that the challenges of environment could reduced under the surveilance of innovation.

Model Answer

Word Count: 259

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

technology: 3

people: 3

could: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a position, but the development is limited and lacks clarity. The first view is supported with a somewhat relevant example, but the second view is underdeveloped and contains a vague assertion. The conclusion is brief and does not clearly justify the opinion. To improve, ensure each view is fully explained with specific, well-supported examples, and clearly state and justify your own opinion throughout the essay. Also, avoid including irrelevant text like 'Model Answer' at the end.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references. The main ideas are presented, but the development is not always logical or easy to follow. To improve, use clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph has a single, well-supported focus. Also, use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between sentences.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there are several inaccuracies and awkward choices (e.g., 'cultivation of technology', 'a good numbers of individual', 'make these concerns vanished', 'exert effort to stay in a village'). The essay would benefit from more precise and natural word choices. To improve, expand your vocabulary for discussing environmental issues and technology, and practice using words in context. Also, pay attention to collocations and word forms. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('a good numbers of individual tend'), incorrect verb forms ('make these concerns vanished'), and punctuation issues (missing commas, run-on sentences). There are also problems with articles and prepositions. To improve, review basic grammar rules and practice writing sentences with a variety of structures. Proofread your work to catch and correct errors. Focus on accuracy before attempting more complex structures.

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