Discussion

Band 5+: Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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In recent years, technology has become a subject of considerable debate, with individuals holding contrasting views regarding its implications for society. Although many argue that technology seperated us. I firmly believe that modern technology like AI has brought us closer together, as I consider this to be a more beneficial approach in the long run.

On one hand, the rapid improvement of technology made people more certin that robots will take over the world leading to a disastrous future, as a result, humans stood together to prevent this conflict from happening. For instants: the enhancement of AI in modern society brought attention to us that over a few years technology will replace our jobs leading to an increase in number of unemployment. Engineers came together to come up with essential rules that all robots must comply with. Furthermore, programers all over the world in companies like Meta united together to remove and ban users who spread misinformation resulting in a better society.

On the other hand, other people believe that technology had severly damaged us by driving humans apart. Nowadays watching online news makes us debate wether this media report is real or a misinformation, subsequently misleading news can start tension between two sides whether its online or face to face conversations. For example, AI can create videos of other people taking on each other leading to a disaggrement.

Taking everything into consideration, despite the potential merits of the opposing argument, I remain firmly convinced that modern technology made our society stand together.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

technology: 7

together: 5

other: 4

society: 3

modern: 3

people: 3

leading: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and presenting a clear position. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity and precision. The arguments are not fully extended or supported with relevant examples, and there are issues with coherence and language accuracy. To improve, ensure each viewpoint is fully explored with clear, logical reasoning and specific examples. Work on sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the first body paragraph jumps from the idea of robots taking over to engineers coming together without a smooth link. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'However') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically. Also, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the main points more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'implications', 'beneficial approach', 'misinformation', 'disastrous future'). However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'seperated', 'certin', 'instants', 'programers', 'severly', 'wethere', 'disaggrement') and some awkward phrasing (e.g., 'made people more certin that robots will take over the world leading to a disastrous future'). To improve, expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and natural expressions. Also, proofread to eliminate spelling mistakes and ensure word choice is accurate.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'technology seperated us' should be 'technology separates us'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'made people more certin' should be 'has made people more certain'), and punctuation problems (e.g., missing commas, incorrect use of colons). Additionally, some sentences are incomplete or run-on. To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures with accurate grammar. Practice writing complex sentences and review basic grammar rules, such as tense consistency and article usage. Proofreading carefully can help reduce these errors.

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