Cause And Solution

Band 6+: In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon, and what are some of the possible solutions?

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In numerous sports, there is a rising amount of athletes using prohibited substances to improve their performance. This is due to the high expectations from viewers and the greed for winning prizes in professional sports players. However, regular doping checks and greater penalties might resolve this issue.

One core reason for this is the high expectations from viewers. To clarify, audiences have a high expectations in terms of performance when they watch a professional match. If players performed poorly, his career might be at risk.Therefore, players are determined to utilize banned substances to perform better in matches. Another root cause for this is the greediness for winning prizes among athletes. To further clarify, most tournaments offer a great amount of prizes for the winner. Therefore, professional sports players are willing to do anything to win, including consuming prohibited substances to gain an advantage. For instance, research from Harvard University in 2020 illustrated that most professional golf players used illegal drugs to gain winning prizes.

Giving out stricter penalties to cheaters might be a viable solution. To explain, forcing professional players who used prohibited drugs to either retire or pay a massive fine can set an example for potential cheaters. Therefore, it can decrease the number of cases of consuming illegal drugs. Another valid solution is annual doping tests. Organizers should set up surprise check ups to catch cheaters in action. In addition, sudden drug tests can prevent any illegal drugs from being exerted because athletes are afraid of not being able to hide symptoms of drug usage. For example, many professional drivers confessed to Fox News that doping tests can disqualify cheaters before they enter the grid.

In conclusion, wanting to exceed expectations and greed are the main reasons why this issue occurs. However, tightening regulations and frequent drug tests can resolve this issue.

Word Count: 304

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

professional: 6

players: 6

expectations: 4

drugs: 4

cheaters: 4

tests: 4

sports: 3

athletes: 3

prohibited: 3

substances: 3

winning: 3

prizes: 3

doping: 3

might: 3

illegal: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing causes and solutions. A clear position is presented, and ideas are generally relevant and supported with examples. However, there is a lack of precision in some supporting ideas (e.g., the example about golf players using illegal drugs could be more specific and credible). The essay could benefit from more developed explanations and smoother transitions between ideas. To improve, ensure that examples are clearly linked to the points made and consider expanding on how the solutions would effectively address the causes.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, and cohesive devices such as 'To clarify', 'Another root cause', 'To further clarify', 'For instance', 'To explain', 'Another valid solution', and 'In conclusion' are used effectively. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the link between the second cause and the example could be more explicit. Overall, the essay is easy to follow, but minor lapses in cohesion prevent it from being effortless.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate and generally appropriate for the task, with some good attempts at less common words like 'prohibited substances', 'greediness', and 'viable solution'. However, there is some repetition (e.g., 'players', 'drugs') and a few awkward or imprecise phrases (e.g., 'a rising amount of athletes' should be 'a rising number of athletes', 'exerted' should be 'excreted' or 'detected'). The range of vocabulary is sufficient but not wide, and the control is not always natural or sophisticated. To improve, use more varied synonyms and ensure precise word choice. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some accurate use of conditionals and relative clauses. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('audiences have a high expectations'), pronoun agreement ('his career' referring to 'players'), and incorrect word forms ('exerted' for 'excreted'). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are occasional missing spaces (e.g., 'risk.Therefore'). The range of structures is adequate, but errors are noticeable and prevent full flexibility and control. Proofreading for grammar and punctuation would improve accuracy.

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