Opinion

Band 4+: In the developed world,the average life expectancy is increasing.What are the problems associated with this?Suggest some measures that should be taken to reduce the impact.

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Nowadays, aveage lifespan in the developed world is enhancing. In this essay, I would evaluate the reasons leading to this tendency before proposing some effective solution that can handle it.

On the one hand, there are some reasons that cause for society by the problems of ageing populations. In this days and ages, the average life expectancy is increasing considerly because of improving facilities, preparing health care systems for ageing individuals effectively. Thus, there are some negative aspect from ageing population. Firstly, many nations face greater funding demands, pressing on public finances such as pension commitments. If ageing population is rising dramatically, it will place an significant borden on health care system and socical services. Besides, lacking of young workers can push up economic country, leading to decreased development. A relevant example from real life is that aging population in many provinces of Vietnam that replace a large of young employees, these provinces face development delay, decreasing financance by twice in 2016.

On the other hand, there are some measure that reduce this issues. Increasing tax payment for pension costs when ageing population is rising that can helping recover public economic. Besides, age friendly housing need to be constructed for elderly individiuals. As average lifespan becomes longer, requiring accommodation and healthcare system for ageing people. This solution that can reduce the pressure on families and public. Besides , the elderly persons are increasing that lead to a shortage of young employees. Thus, goverment encourage older people to employ part-time with suituable work if they have health enough. For examples, in Vietnam, there are some many ageing employees work on sewing companies with suituable salaries which as same as pension commitments.

In conclusion, although average life expectancy have negative impact, such as leading to a shortage of young workers and pressing on public finance, these issues can be addressed through suitable government policies and better support for older people.

Word Count: 318

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

ageing: 7

there: 4

population: 4

public: 4

young: 4

leading: 3

average: 3

increasing: 3

health: 3

pension: 3

besides: 3

employees: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing problems of ageing populations and suggesting measures. However, the position is not consistently clear, and the development of ideas is limited. The essay begins by stating it will evaluate reasons for increasing life expectancy, which is not required by the prompt, leading to some irrelevance. Main ideas are present but lack sufficient support and clarity, with some repetition and unclear phrasing. To improve, focus directly on the problems for individuals and society, and provide more specific, well-supported measures. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with relevant examples and explanations. Proofread for grammatical errors and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing problems to solutions could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'On the one hand... On the other hand' is used to contrast problems and solutions, which is not entirely appropriate). To improve, focus on using a wider range of linking words and phrases accurately, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there are several errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'aveage lifespan' instead of 'average life expectancy', 'enhancing' instead of 'increasing', 'considerly' instead of 'considerably', 'borden' instead of 'burden', 'socical' instead of 'social', 'financance' instead of 'finance'). Some phrases are unclear or unnatural (e.g., 'push up economic country', 'decreasing financance by twice'). To improve, focus on learning and using precise vocabulary related to the topic, and proofread carefully to avoid spelling mistakes. Using a thesaurus can help, but ensure new words are used correctly in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'average life expectancy is enhancing'), incorrect use of articles (e.g., 'an significant borden'), tense inconsistencies, and sentence structure problems (e.g., 'If ageing population is rising dramatically, it will place...'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas and incorrect use of spaces before punctuation. To improve, review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Practice writing more complex sentences accurately, and always proofread your work.

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