Discussion

Band 6+: Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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An icreasing amount of people are fond of going on overseas holidays, while others argued that it is better to visit places in their homecountry. Despite the fact that many individuals prefer to travel abroad, I believe that it is better to visit places within your own country. Both views will be discussed in this essay before giving my opinion.

On the one hand, many people want to discover other countries, which are located in the world because travelling abroad can help people learn about different cultures and try new food. For example,by travelling to Italy, which is located in the south of Europe, tourists try various kinds of local food such as pasta, tiramisu and pizza.In addition, they explore some historical places, including Colosseum and Trevi fountain. Moreover, it is worth noting that by traveling to other countries, people broaden horizons and become open-minded. For instance, indivuals who travel a lot have always something to talk about. As a result, travelling offers them opportunities to learn more about different places and discuss it with others.

On the other hand, remaining percentages of people prefer visiting places in their own country since it is more cheaper and convenient compared to travelling abroad. Firstly, visitors do not need visa and long flights in order to attend various places. For instance, citizens of Azerbaijan can visit Ganja by plane, reaching the city in an hour.Secondly, visitors who have problems with languages can escape this issue since they travel in their hometown. I think that it is very crucial to visit places in your own country because people can discover the history and natural beauty of their own country.Furthermore, if individuals discover some places, hotels and restaurants, it will help local businesses to extend.

In conclusion, while overseas travel broden your thoughts and provide opportunities to learn about various customs, I believe that it is better to visit places in your own country in order to learn more about its history and development of local businesses.

Word Count: 333

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

places: 9

people: 6

visit: 5

about: 5

their: 4

travel: 4

country: 4

travelling: 4

learn: 4

better: 3

abroad: 3

discover: 3

other: 3

various: 3

local: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which is good. The position is maintained throughout. However, the development of ideas could be more precise and focused. For example, the point about broadening horizons is a bit vague, and the support for domestic travel could be more specific. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that examples are directly relevant and well-explained. Also, avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and there is a clear opinion stated. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a few awkward phrasings. For example, the phrase 'remaining percentages of people' is unclear, and the link between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'On the other hand') consistently and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that flow naturally.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to travel and tourism, such as 'broaden horizons', 'open-minded', 'local businesses', and 'natural beauty'. There are some good attempts at less common words (e.g., 'individuals', 'crucial'). However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'icreasing', 'homecountry', 'indivuals', 'broden') and some awkward word choices (e.g., 'remaining percentages of people', 'attend various places'). To improve, proofread for spelling and use more precise and natural collocations. For instance, instead of 'attend various places', use 'visit various places'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some correct use of subordinate clauses and linking words. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('others argued' should be 'others argue'), incorrect comparative ('more cheaper' should be 'cheaper'), and missing articles or prepositions. Punctuation is also inconsistent (e.g., missing spaces after commas). To improve, review grammar rules for comparatives, verb tenses, and article usage. Additionally, ensure that sentences are punctuated correctly to enhance readability.

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