Positive And Negative

Band 5+: Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Thanks to the modern technology, nowadays people can put their personal information on social networking sites and online banking. From my own perspective, this is a negative development.

On the one hand, uploading personal information for the purposes of working or social networks is essential. People do not have to go to the bank just for signing an account and they can use their social media account for a bunch of works. This aids them to work more effeciency and saves time. Moreover, some people find it practical to use one social media account for their apps because they can manage them with ease. Furthermore, users only need to provide phone numbers or email to get verified, which is useful when they have limited time to do this activity.

On the other hand, putting personal information online may contains drawbacks. The reasons are that users’ account can be hacked online and they will lost all their money and documents. A lot of people have lost their savings because of hackers attacks. Moreover, home address can be known by the thieves and they may break into their house. These are many reasons why putting personal information online is dangerous to themselves despite the convenience it brings to users.

In conclusion, putting personal information online is a negative development, though it may contains convenience for users. I believe it is harmful than helpful.

Word Count: 231

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 6

personal: 5

information: 5

online: 5

people: 4

social: 4

account: 4

putting: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of putting personal information online. The position is clear and fully developed, presenting a well-structured argument. However, there are some lapses in content and support, such as the lack of specific examples or evidence to support the claims made. To improve, provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally easy to follow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion, such as the abrupt transition between the positive and negative aspects in the second paragraph. Additionally, the paragraphing could be more skillfully managed to enhance the overall coherence. To improve, work on smoother transitions between ideas and consider refining the paragraph structure for better coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and imprecise word choices throughout. Additionally, the use of vocabulary could be more sophisticated to enhance the overall lexical resource. To improve, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary, and aim for a higher level of sophistication in language use.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a variety of sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies present. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence construction that affect the overall accuracy. To improve, pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation, and aim for more accurate and varied sentence structures.

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