Opinion

Band 5+: Many students are losing motivation and performing poorly in schools around the world. What are the main problems this creates for individuals and society, and what measures can be taken to improve student engagement and academic performance?

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In the contemporary world many students lose to study. I strongly believe that giving motivation plays a crucial role in teenagers’ lives.

Why do many students feel they lose motivation for their own studies? With the advancement of technology, along with the advent of high-quality internet and the proliferation of electronic devices, a large number of teenagers have become accustomed to social media platforms instead of learning new languages and reading books; using technology leads to binge-watching movies and playing casual games, which has resulted in wasting time and losing their motivation due to feeling upset about their own subject scores. Given these circumstances, it is not beneficial that knowledge acquisition is complicated for young students, thereby leading many students to abandon an active life and making them unable to regulate their own lives.

Without a doubt, regulating one’s own scrolling time plays a crucial role in a student’s lifestyle. If people choose to regulate their own time, it prevents draining their time for learning new languages and broadening their horizons, thereby ensuring they have good motivation. As a result, teenagers can get high-quality jobs and build a strong future career. This process leads to a better life rather than just lasting for a few years.

In conclusion, if students do not study enough, they cannot have a motivated life. They should manage their own time effectively.

Word Count: 227

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

students: 5

motivation: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses parts of the prompt, but it fails to fully respond to all components of the task. The prompt asks for two distinct things: the problems created for individuals and society, and the measures to improve engagement. While you touched upon the causes of low motivation and suggested time management as a solution, you did not clearly delineate the specific problems caused to society (e.g., economic impact, workforce issues) versus the individual. Furthermore, the development of ideas is somewhat circular, often repeating the concept of time management without exploring deeper solutions or consequences. To improve, ensure that you structure your essay to address every part of the question. Use one body paragraph to discuss the 'problems' (for both individuals and society) and another body paragraph to discuss the 'measures' (solutions). Aim to expand on your ideas by providing specific examples and explaining the logical connection between a cause, its effect, and a potential solution. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure, but the progression of ideas is somewhat disjointed. The transition between the causes of low motivation and the consequences for society/individuals is not clearly delineated. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that directly addresses one part of the prompt (e.g., one paragraph for problems and one for solutions). Additionally, avoid using rhetorical questions as topic sentences; instead, use direct statements to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

While there is an attempt to use sophisticated vocabulary (e.g., 'proliferation', 'advent', 'broadening their horizons'), some word choices are inaccurate or awkward, such as 'lose to study' or 'draining their time for learning'. There is also some repetition of ideas. Aim to use a wider range of precise academic collocations and ensure that the words you choose fit the context naturally. Focus on using synonyms to avoid repeating 'motivation' and 'regulate' too frequently.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, 'many students lose to study' is not a standard English expression. There are issues with sentence structure and the logical connection between clauses. To improve, practice using complex sentence structures (such as conditional sentences and relative clauses) more accurately and focus on subject-verb agreement and proper preposition usage.

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