Opinion

Band 5+: Modern medicine helps people live longer lives. Do you agree?

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The modern medicine is very important for living a long life. It is depend on new technology. People take very easy and quickly. Also modern medicine is very quick absorbing to human body. It is helps to back to normal for people health condition. Therefore I agree that the modern medicine is helps to live longer.First of all, the modern medicine can prevent incurable diseases. Doctors can find some diseases very early. Then doctors can give suitable medicines to patients. New modern equipments are helps doctors is going to correct way. Also intelligent people in the world live a long life on helps from modern medicine. That is very important in the human society because their creative things are coming with them and they can help others for a longer time when they are living in long life with comfortably.

Beside, old population is increasing in the country. It is badly effect in country’s economy and especially for third world countries. But old people are very important in human society because their experience definitely helps to living safely and planning to new project. ‘Experience is better than qualifications’ However, old people are living a long life; it is helping others to live a long life because we can get advice from them and they are covering our culture and society.

Moreover, modern medicine is being addictive for some people, so that they cannot live without medicine. They should take medicine all their lives. Also modern medicine is very expensive. Therefore most of poor countries couldn?t take modern medicine and it has taken a commercial shape, also it is depending on money. In the modern medicine have not facts of human kindness. People who have money can take modern medicine. But indigenous medicine has well human friendly shape. It does not depend on money. Read Bestsellers

To summarize; in my personal view, modern medicine is helping to live a long life with comfortably. Modern technologies are being supported to find unburnable diseases very early. So doctors can take correct path immediately. Therefore, may I not hesitate to agree with the above mentioned statement.

Word Count: 352

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

medicine: 14

modern: 13

people: 7

human: 5

helps: 5

living: 4

doctors: 4

important: 3

therefore: 3

diseases: 3

because: 3

their: 3

money: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is uneven. The main arguments are relevant, but some points lack clarity and precision. For example, the discussion on the economic impact of an aging population and the comparison with indigenous medicine are not fully integrated into the main argument. To improve, focus on developing each idea with more specific examples and ensure all points directly support the thesis. Additionally, work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of modern medicine to the economic impact of an aging population is not smoothly introduced. Additionally, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that are not fully developed, which can make the message harder to follow. To improve, use clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, with logical links between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'incurable diseases,' 'modern equipments,' and 'indigenous medicine.' However, there are several instances of imprecise or awkward word choices, such as 'unburnable diseases' (likely meaning 'incurable') and 'covering our culture' (likely meaning 'preserving'). Additionally, some phrases are repetitive (e.g., 'modern medicine' is used frequently) and lack sophistication. To improve, expand your vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions. Also, pay attention to collocations and word forms to enhance naturalness. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('It is depend,' 'modern medicine is helps'), incorrect verb forms ('is going to correct way'), and missing articles or prepositions ('in the country' vs. 'in a country'). There are also punctuation problems, such as the use of a question mark in 'couldn?t' and missing commas. While some complex structures are attempted, they are often not controlled. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Additionally, proofread your work to correct punctuation and avoid errors that hinder understanding.

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