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Band 6+: News plays an important part of most people's lives. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead?

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With the development of technology, people have access to any kind of news through the world. News has a sentimental role in individual’s role. In my point of view, news is crucial because people can stay up to date with the latest news. Additionally, much news is dedicated to bad news in order to warm people out of danger. I think having a balance between introducing both good and bad news is the best.

The reason why news is important is because people can stay up to date with latest events. Today is the immediate changing world with the massive database, news are main sources of information, in which people can filter them according to their preferences. Because of them people have been aware of worlds news. For instance, thanks for news even individuals from Africa are informed with politic situations of USA.

Besides, news has dedicated to bad news in order to warn people against possible risks. By showing every tragedy on platforms and TV programs, can influence people. As the result, in the future they will avoid, to be appeared in these situations. For example, introducing a lot of bad news about teenagers addiction to drugs, warm parents to stay strict to their children.

Lastly, I believe that having a perfect balance between good and bad news, is the best policy for society. As I mentioned above, bad news is the best way to ring the bell of parents. On the other hand, good news motivates people, to achieve something in their life. For instance, seeing how young chess players are winning world champions, encourages youth to be in Olympic games.

In conclusion, news is very crucial because people can stay informed. Dedication to bad news is for warn parents out of danger, introducing both good and bad news is the most effective.

Word Count: 305

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 10

because: 4

world: 3

introducing: 3

their: 3

parents: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt: it explains why news is important, why much news is dedicated to bad news, and whether the news should focus on good news instead. A position is presented (a balance between good and bad news is best). However, the development of ideas is not always clear, and some points lack sufficient support or precision. For example, the claim that bad news warns people is illustrated with a somewhat narrow example about teenagers and drugs, and the discussion of good news is brief. There is also some repetition and awkward phrasing that occasionally obscures meaning. To improve, ensure each main idea is fully extended with clear, relevant examples, and avoid repeating the same points. Additionally, refine language accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. For example, the phrase 'News has a sentimental role in individual's role' is unclear and disrupts the flow. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'thanks for news' instead of 'thanks to news'). To improve, ensure that each sentence clearly connects to the main idea of the paragraph and use cohesive devices accurately. Also, consider refining the thesis statement to more directly address all parts of the question.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inappropriate word choice and collocations (e.g., 'sentimental role', 'warm people out of danger', 'ring the bell of parents'). These errors sometimes make the meaning unclear. To enhance lexical resource, aim to use more precise and natural vocabulary. For example, 'sentimental role' could be replaced with 'significant role', and 'warm people out of danger' with 'warn people of danger'. Also, avoid repetitive use of certain phrases like 'stay up to date'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, 'news are main sources' should be 'news is a main source', and 'thanks for news' should be 'thanks to news'. There are also issues with punctuation and article usage. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and accurate prepositions. Proofreading the essay to correct these errors would significantly enhance grammatical accuracy.

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