Opinion

Band 7+: Nowadays, cosmetic surgery is becoming more popular among young adults. Some think that there should be an age limit for cosmetic surgery, whereas others believe young people should have the freedom to choose what they do with their own bodies.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Recently, more young adults are choosing cosmetic surgery. Some believe this should be age-restricted because social media influences irreversible decisions. Others argue that young people should have the freedom to choose because it improves mental health. I believe young adults should have this freedom because the mental health benefits outweigh the risks.

On the one hand, some believe age limits are necessary due to social media’s influence. Young people spend hours daily on social media seeing unattainable beautiful standards, which pressures them to match these ideals through medical procedures. However, many young adults cannot perceive that these procedures are permanent and often irreversible. For example, man celebrities on Instagram use filters to change their facial features, setting trends only achievable through surgery. I disagree with this because it assumes adults are unable to make informed decisions and that social media controls their choices, which is not the case for most people.

On the other hand, others believe young adults should have this option because of the mental health benefits. Those who elect for surgery do so because they feel inadequate, which destroys their self-confidence and limits their social and professional lives. For instance, rhinoplasty is one of the common procedures because people feel their noses prevent them from dating or excelling professionally. I agree because people should control decisions that improve their well-being.

In conclusion, although some believe age limits protect young people from impulsive social media -influenced decisions, I disagree because this underestimates their abilities ability to make informed choices. Young people should have the freedom to choose cosmetic surgery because it provides significant mental health benefits and improves their confidence and quality of life.

Word Count: 276

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Overall Band Score

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

because: 10

young: 8

their: 8

should: 6

social: 6

people: 6

adults: 5

believe: 5

surgery: 4

media: 4

decisions: 4

mental: 4

health: 4

freedom: 3

benefits: 3

limits: 3

which: 3

procedures: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, which is good. The arguments are relevant and supported with examples, but there are some lapses in focus and precision. For instance, the first body paragraph could more clearly link the argument to the age limit view, and the second could better explain why freedom is important beyond mental health. To improve, ensure each paragraph directly addresses the prompt's specific aspects and develop ideas with more depth and clarity. Also, avoid minor errors like 'man celebrities' and 'their abilities ability' to enhance precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs presenting opposing views, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical and easy to follow. Cohesive devices are used effectively, though a few transitions could be more varied. Paragraphing is managed well, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. To improve, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph's topic sentence clearly signals the main idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some sophisticated choices (e.g., 'unattainable beautiful standards', 'irreversible decisions', 'elect for surgery'). There are minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'man celebrities' should be 'many celebrities', 'abilities ability' is a repetition error). To achieve a higher score, aim for more precise and natural collocations, and avoid minor slips that detract from overall fluency. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and demonstrates good control of grammar. There are only minor errors (e.g., 'man celebrities' instead of 'many celebrities', 'abilities ability' repetition), which do not impede understanding. To reach a band 9, ensure flawless accuracy and further diversify sentence patterns to show full flexibility.

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