Opinion

Band 7+: nowadays in many countries, more and more people are spending their time away from their families. Why is this? What are the effects on themselves and on their families

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As the internet and travel allow people to work and study in different countries, they are consequently spending less time with their families, which has become an increasingly important issue. This essay will discuss this phenomenon and explain the potential reasons behind it in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, migration is increasing on a global level, as individuals move towards big cities to find better opportunities and career growth. The key reason is that personal development and financial independence allow them to control and live their lifestyle without any permission or hesitation. Furthermore, advanced and developed nations provide work-life balance, where they can earn a good amount of money. On the other hand, being in a different location or away from home helps people to explore and exchange their culture, traditions, food, and language deeply. For instance, many Indians are moving to Europe to find jobs and explore the versatile culture of Europeans, as every country has a different language and history.

However, being alone in another city, without family and their support, is not an easy task; sometimes it leads them to experience stress and anxiety, which can feel like being in prison. In an emergency or health-related issue, both parents and adults can be affected, which can make them feel hopeless in many aspects. Although, for migrants, it can create a huge gap in their cultural values and traditional beliefs. For example, people who migrated to Canada decades ago, when they return to their village or birthplace in Punjab, their children feel unfamiliar and awkward speaking the local language. Additionally, the meaning of festivals like Diwali, Holi, and Raksha Bandhan is to be united and enjoy happiness together, so people are losing the value of these festivals.

In conclusion, being without family or away from family has several positive and negative aspects, which affect people emotionally and culturally. To balance work life and family life, there are many difficult steps that people follow for a bright future.

Word Count: 328

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

people: 6

which: 4

being: 4

family: 4

different: 3

without: 3

language: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for spending time away from family and some effects on individuals and families. A position is presented, and main ideas are relevant. However, the development is somewhat uneven: the first body paragraph focuses heavily on benefits of migration, which is not directly answering the 'why' question, and the second body paragraph mixes effects on individuals and cultural gaps without clear organization. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, directly answer 'why' people spend time away (e.g., career demands, education, globalization), and systematically discuss effects on both individuals and families. Provide more specific examples and avoid tangential points. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points and offering a clearer overall stance.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas flow reasonably well, and paragraphing is generally appropriate. However, the connection between some points could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons for migration to the effects on individuals and families could be more explicit. Additionally, the conclusion could more directly summarize the main points and provide a stronger closing statement. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'As a result') to link ideas within and between paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some effective use of less common words and phrases (e.g., 'versatile culture', 'cultural values', 'hopeless in many aspects'). However, there are occasional inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'control and live their lifestyle without any permission or hesitation' and 'being in a different location or away from home helps people to explore and exchange their culture'. These could be rephrased for greater precision and naturalness. To improve, focus on using collocations and idiomatic expressions accurately, and avoid overly complex or unclear phrasing. Also, ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context (e.g., 'versatile' might be better replaced with 'diverse'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay shows a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some subordinate clauses. There are very few grammar errors, and punctuation is generally correct. However, there are a few minor issues, such as the use of 'Although' at the beginning of a sentence without a contrasting clause (e.g., 'Although, for migrants, it can create a huge gap...' - this should be 'Moreover' or 'In addition'), and some sentences could be more concise. To improve, pay attention to the correct use of linking words and ensure that each sentence is clear and grammatically complete. Also, vary sentence structures to demonstrate full flexibility.

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