Opinion

Band 5+: Nowadays, many students find it difficult to focus on their studies due to the constant use of smartphones and social media. What are the caused of this problems, and what solutions can be suggested?

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It is necessary that smartphones and social media take part in the whole society. These days, many students face with staying focussed on their studies because of the continuous usage on smartphones and social media. In the follwing paragraphs, the causes and some practical solutions will be outlined in detail.

The main cause of this problem is allowing phone in the schools. All students have their own smartphones and bring to the school everyday; as a result, they do not concentrate on their studies at schools. For example, the students spend their time during a short-break and a lunch break on social media like Facebook instead of revewing the lessons. Moreover, another cause is being addictive. Social meadia provides several contents to entertain many people nowadays, which results in loss track of work or staying focussed. The students may overuse their smartphones to entertain themselves such as chatting with friends, posting some photos, and watching movies; however, it leads to addiction that the students do not responsible for their homework or assignment. Consequently, many students do not have sufficient time to focus on their studies due to the constant use of social media.

To solve this problem, students must have time-management skill, and parents should supervise their children. Firstly, students can manage their time to prioritize things that they need to complete first before using social media. This can contribute to balance which students can focus on their studies and have sometime to unwind by using smartphones or social media. Secondly, parents should be responsible for taking care of their kids by education and warning them when they spend excessive time on smartphones. If someone notices them to stop using smartphones at home, it allows students to recognize what they need to do on their homework.

In conclusion, smartphones and social media is used by many students because of allowing bringing smartphones to schools and being addictive on social media, which contributes to the obtacles to focus on their studies. Managing time and parents’ control are the best ways to help students pay attention on their studies.

Word Count: 347

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 14

students: 12

smartphones: 9

social: 9

media: 7

studies: 6

schools: 3

which: 3

focus: 3

using: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and offering causes and solutions. However, the ideas, while relevant, sometimes lack clarity and depth. The development of some points could be more thorough, and the examples could be more specific. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations and concrete examples to support your claims. Also, ensure that the connection between the causes, solutions, and the overall problem is explicitly stated.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate attempt to address the topic, presenting causes and solutions related to students' difficulty in focusing on studies due to smartphone and social media use. The organization is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be smoother with better transitions between sentences and paragraphs. The introduction could be more engaging, and the conclusion could offer a stronger summary of the main points. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the connection between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary that is generally appropriate to the topic. However, there are instances where the word choice could be more precise or sophisticated. For example, varying the vocabulary used to describe the impact of social media (beyond 'focus') could strengthen the essay. Explore synonyms and more nuanced expressions to convey your ideas more effectively. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is always accurate in its context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity in several places. Errors in verb tense, article usage, and sentence structure are present. For example, 'allowing phone in the schools' and 'Social meadia provides several contents' contain errors. Focus on proofreading carefully to identify and correct these errors. Practice using a wider range of grammatical structures accurately to improve the overall quality of your writing.

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Band 5+: Nowadays, many students find it difficult to focus on their studies due to the constant use of smartphones and social media. What are the caused of this problems, and what solutions can be suggested?

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Nowadays, many students find it difficult to focus on their studies due to the constant use of smartphones and social media. What are the caused of this problems, and what solutions can be suggested?

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More and more people are moving to big cities these days. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of living in a large city.

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question:As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

question:As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Some people believe that children in the past had an easier life, while others think that life is easier for children today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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