Discussion

Band 6+: Part 2: Some people believe that people who commit crimes should be sent to prison. However, others argue that there are better alternatives for minor crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There are two common beliefs regarding criminals. One view says that all of them should be sent to prison. Alternatively, the second opinion states that fines or commumity service are more suitable punishments for minor offences. To my mind, a custodial sentence is the only punishment for felonies, but for minor offences fines, community service, or suspended sentence are better.

To begin with, a custodial service is the most known punishment for crimes. It is applied to many offenders, especially to those who are considered dangerous for the sosiety. However, there are a list of issues with this way. First of all, inmates who spent a lot of years in a jail used to life in there. It is hard to reintegrate them into sosiety after their release, which leads to recidivism. In addition, prisons require a lot of expenditures for their maintenance, and this financial loads rests on tax payers’ shoulders.

The main idea of punishments is to make people following the law, and for minor offences fines and community service are great alternatives to prisons. They still show that an action made by an offender is wrong, but it is less stressful for them. There is no need to reintegrate people to whom these types of punishments were applied. Moreover, fines are the additional sources of a regional budget, while community service provide free workers for community organizations.

In conclusion, I believe that a custodial sentence is not a punishment for each offence. Fines, community service, and suspended sentence are better alternatives for minor offences.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

service: 6

fines: 5

community: 5

there: 4

minor: 4

offences: 4

sentence: 4

punishments: 3

custodial: 3

punishment: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which is good. The position is consistent throughout. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough. For example, the point about prison leading to recidivism is mentioned but not fully explained. Additionally, there are some minor lapses in focus, such as the brief mention of 'suspended sentence' in the introduction and conclusion without discussion in the body. To improve, ensure each paragraph fully develops its main idea with specific examples or further explanation, and maintain focus on the two views as outlined in the prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and the use of linking words like 'To begin with' and 'In conclusion' helps guide the reader. However, some transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother, and the connection between the first body paragraph's points (reintegration and cost) and the overall argument could be made more explicit. The paragraphing is adequate but could be more skillfully managed to enhance the flow.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary related to crime and punishment (e.g., 'custodial sentence', 'recidivism', 'reintegrate', 'minor offences'). There are some attempts at less common terms, but there are also errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'commumity' for 'community', 'sosiety' for 'society', 'expenditures' for 'expenses', 'financial loads' for 'financial burden'). The phrasing is sometimes awkward (e.g., 'inmates who spent a lot of years in a jail used to life in there'). To improve, focus on using more precise and natural collocations and ensure correct spelling. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some control over grammar. However, there are several errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('there are a list of issues' should be 'there is a list of issues'), incorrect verb forms ('used to life' should be 'are used to life'), and awkward phrasing ('make people following the law' should be 'make people follow the law'). Punctuation is generally correct, but the range of structures is not fully flexible. To improve, practice using a wider variety of sentence patterns and proofread for common grammatical mistakes.

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