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Band 6+: People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this ? What are the effects on them?

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Nowadays, many individuals sleep fewer than they used to. From my perspective, the prime reason is that people are working more compared with the past. The impact on people is detrimental, leading them to be less focused and they are likely to experience major health issues in the future.

Some individuals sleep less nowadays due to the high working hours, which causes them to sleep less and work more. US citizens are a major example: a study has been conducted, showing that the average sleeping hours in the US are five to six hours a day, because of the working hours in US are significantly high (approximately 50-60 hours a week).

Short sleeping hours have a detrimental effect on individuals; they will have a lack of focus. Moreover, they are likely to make mistakes during their day. Furthermore, there is a significant chance that they might face health problems in the future such as, a heart attack or others. For instance, when a doctor is performing a surgery, if the doctor didn’t sleep enough ( for at least seven to eight hours) there is a high chance that the doctor will make an error that has a negative effect on the patient’s health.

In conclusion. I think individuals are sleeping fewer than they did many years ago because of the significant working hours. Meanwhile, the fewer hours a person spend sleeping, the more mistakes they make during their day. Furthermore, they are likely to experience health issues as they grow up.

Word Count: 251

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

hours: 8

sleep: 4

working: 4

sleeping: 4

individuals: 3

fewer: 3

likely: 3

health: 3

doctor: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, presenting a clear position that increased working hours are the main reason for reduced sleep, and discusses effects such as lack of focus and health issues. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, though the support could be more developed and precise. To improve, consider expanding on the reasons with more depth and providing a more balanced discussion of effects, perhaps including both short-term and long-term consequences. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points more effectively and avoid minor grammatical errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and minor lapses in cohesion. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother, and the conclusion repeats ideas without adding new insight. To improve, use more varied linking words and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic with supporting details that flow logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, including words like 'detrimental,' 'significant,' and 'major example.' However, there are some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'sleep less' and 'working hours') and a few awkward expressions (e.g., 'the working hours in US are significantly high'). To improve, try to use synonyms and more precise terms, and avoid informal or unclear phrasing. For instance, instead of 'sleep fewer,' use 'sleep less' or 'get less sleep.' Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, 'sleep fewer' should be 'sleep less,' and 'a study has been conducted, showing that' could be more concise. Also, there is a missing comma after 'such as' and an incorrect use of 'In conclusion.' (should be a comma, not a period). To improve, review subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Practicing writing with varied sentence structures and proofreading can help reduce these errors.

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