Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: question:As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the significant problems for cities is overpopulation. Authority starts to encourage businesses and people to move from cities to villages. This essay will agree that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. The essay will first demonstrate that this shift comes with increasing number of greenspaces and also list some disadvantages.

The main benefits of lessen population in cities is that it can lead to having more greenspaces and improving the air. In the other words, overpopulation causes problems with air, because of high quantity of transports. For instance, the major problem in city like Tashkent is poisonous air, governments did lot of changes in city, which did not help to improve air, but after nowadays, significant number of residents started to travel and the air became cleaner. Furthermore, migration from cities to rural areas can help to individuals with health problems, because mostly rural areas have cleaner air. As a result, from encouraging to move out of cities to rural areas, governments could solve problems with environment.

Those opposed to this claim that people help with increasing in financial space. While individuals creating businesses, financial part is becoming greater, which can lead to developing cities’ facilities and building more landscapes. In the other words, if urban centers will become attention-grabbing for tourists, it can lead to becoming cities more recognisable. As a result, overpopulation can help with developing and in economy of city.

In conclusion, the fact that a migration can help with solving environmental and health issues outweigh the flawed argument that it is good for developing in finance.

Word Count: 262

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

cities: 6

problems: 4

overpopulation: 3

rural: 3

areas: 3

developing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but the support lacks some precision. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the main argument. Also, consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs are often weak, leading to some difficulty in following the argument. Transitions could be used more effectively to guide the reader. For example, in the second paragraph, the link between overpopulation and air quality could be made more explicit. In the third paragraph, the connection between financial growth and attracting tourists needs further clarification. Consider using cohesive devices like 'therefore,' 'however,' 'in addition,' and 'on the other hand' to improve the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and some word choices are not entirely accurate or appropriate. For instance, 'lessen population' could be rephrased as 'reducing population density,' and 'financial space' is vague. To improve, try to incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary related to urbanization, environmental issues, and economic development. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms and expand your lexical range.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, 'Authority starts to encourage' should be 'Authorities are starting to encourage,' and 'people help with increasing in financial space' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Review and correct errors in verb tense, article usage, and sentence construction. Practice writing simple sentences and gradually incorporate more complex structures as your accuracy improves.

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