Opinion

Band 6+: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

There are many ways that devloped countries can help poorer countries to turn into the better situation. Some people assume that supporting non-monetary aids is the more beneficial way than the others. I strongly agree with this assumption and I would like to examine what the reason are.

On the one hand, rich countries should give a hand in other ways instead of financial help. To be elaborate practically, if one country has a lot of debts and another developed country gives that amount they have duty to pay. Even though that would be a solution, that will last temporary. In fact, that country will ever be stuck in debts again as long as the country’s infrastructures are not enhanced.

On the other hand, being a partner with those countries which are in poverty threat is a truly valuable way. What it means by that is holding a conference with all of them to discuss the plans which are suitable for that country, suggesting a training to enhance the basic needs of the country. Aside from that, education is the crucial foundation of improving the countries. That is why they should fund the school projects. To explain in details, constructing a new areas for academic schools, providing new utilized equipments to the places which are already existed.Furthermore, supporting an free education for all citizens is a fundamental need for everyone. Because of expensive tuition fees, some of children who are from rural areas cannot have an opportunity to learn.

Even though financial aids is valuable and solution to the poverty in different ways, I firmly agree with the ideas of giving non-monetary helps will be more benefinicial way.

Word Count: 278

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

countries: 5

country: 5

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position (agreeing with non-financial aid). The main ideas are relevant, but the development lacks clarity and precision. The first body paragraph is underdeveloped and somewhat confusing, while the second body paragraph introduces relevant ideas (partnership, education) but could be more focused and better supported. There are also some lapses in grammar and vocabulary that affect clarity. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, develop ideas with specific examples or explanations, and proofread for errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved. The first body paragraph introduces the idea of debt but does not fully develop it, and the transition to the second body paragraph is abrupt. The conclusion is brief and could better summarize the main points. Use more cohesive devices to link paragraphs and ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'turn into the better situation', 'give a hand', and 'benefinicial'. Some terms are used imprecisely, like 'utilized equipments'. To improve, focus on using more precise and natural vocabulary, and ensure word forms are correct (e.g., 'beneficial' instead of 'benefinicial'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions. For example, 'what the reason are' should be 'what the reasons are', 'that will last temporary' should be 'that will be temporary', and 'supporting an free education' should be 'supporting free education'. Punctuation is also inconsistent, such as missing commas and periods. Focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence boundaries.

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