Opinion

Band 4+: Some employers offer their employees subsidizing membership of gyms and sport clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

A part of employers, assume that providing a way to enhance their workers physical and mental health will affect the efficiency. However other employers thinks that there is no benefit. In this essay we will discuss both sides.

On the one hand there is employers who assume that subsidizing membership of gyms to their workers are the best way to enhance their efficiency. For example, when the employees use their leisure time on exercising not just being fit but they mental health will drastically improve since they are using their leisure time more efficiently. Thus, they think that their workforce and efficiency will be massive help to the company.

On the other hand, the employers who thinks that there is no particular reason doing this because it is impossible to virtually see how they are using their leisure time. However, they think that using the money on the job training specifically on ongoing training, the employees would gain enormous experience through this program.

In overall, being fitter and healthier than average employee will surely benefit the company, but superficially spending funds on training program would be more practical.

Word Count: 188

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

employers: 4

efficiency: 3

there: 3

leisure: 3

using: 3

training: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and could be more developed. To improve, provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. Also, ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your position and the main points discussed. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a basic argument but suffers from a lack of clear organization and logical flow. The introduction and conclusion are weak and don't effectively frame the arguments. Transitions between ideas are often abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the line of reasoning. Paragraphing is present but could be improved to better separate and develop distinct points. To improve coherence, focus on using clear topic sentences, logical connectors, and well-defined paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the arguments. There is a lack of precision in word choice, and some phrases are used repetitively. To enhance lexical resource, try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic and focus on using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition. Pay attention to the correct usage of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impede understanding. There is a limited range of grammatical structures, and the accuracy is inconsistent. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review and correct errors in past writing to learn from mistakes.

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