Discussion

Band 5+: Some experts suggest that all employees should be required to take a mandatory digital detox week every year to improve mental health and productivity. Others think this would be impractical and disruptive to businesses. Discuss both perspectives and present your own viewpoint.

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Nowadays, digital devices have become an essential part of people’s daily lives, particularly in workplaces and educational institutions. While some experts believe that introducing mandatory digital detox periods would have improve mental health and productivity, others argue that such policies would restrict personal freedom and create difficulties for certain industries. Although, digital detox periods would improve mental health and productivity in schools and workplaces, I believe that organisation should introduce flexible screen break depending on people responsibilities. This would allow individuals to protect their mental health without intrrrupting their essentials activities.

On the one hand, there are several benefit of digital detox periods. Schools and workplaces should provide free time to students and workers to relax because it will helps to focus more again on their work. Educational institutions should provide the spare time to outdoor activities that will make them refresh and helps to study better. For example, Many researchers say that when we take a break after a long screen time, it will affects to our eye and also there will be problem of eye strain.

On the other hand, some people believe that digital detox policies would affect the personal freedom and professional responsibilities. In modern society, individuals depend on digital device for communication, education and work-related activities. Therefore, forcing everyone to stop using technology for certain period, may cause inconvinence. Almost all the industries, especially healthcare, information technology and online business depend on the technology. For instance, IT professionals may need to monitor computer systems and respond to technical problems immediately. As a result, strict digital detox policies may negatively affect their productivity and work performance.

In conclusion, although compulsory digital detox periods improve mental health and productivity, I believe that flexible digital detox policies would help to solve the problems of personal freedom and difficulties for certain industries.

Word Count: 303

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

digital: 9

detox: 7

would: 6

believe: 4

periods: 4

mental: 4

health: 4

productivity: 4

policies: 4

their: 4

workplaces: 3

improve: 3

personal: 3

freedom: 3

certain: 3

industries: 3

should: 3

technology: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both perspectives and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs could be more fully developed with stronger examples and clearer reasoning. To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and expands it with specific, relevant support. Additionally, work on grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance clarity and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and the use of linking words such as 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' helps to organize the discussion. However, there are some lapses in cohesion, such as the abrupt shift in the introduction from presenting both views to stating the author's opinion without a clear transition. Additionally, the conclusion could be more developed to reinforce the argument. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smoother.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, such as 'mandatory digital detox periods', 'mental health', 'productivity', 'personal freedom', and 'professional responsibilities'. There is some attempt at sophistication with phrases like 'intruding on their essential activities' and 'monitor computer systems'. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'have improve' (should be 'improve'), 'intrrrupting' (spelling error), 'benefit' (should be 'benefits'), and 'inconvinence' (spelling error). To improve, focus on using precise and accurate vocabulary, and proofread to eliminate spelling mistakes. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'would have improve' should be 'would improve', 'it will helps' should be 'it will help', 'it will affects' should be 'it will affect', and 'organisation should introduce flexible screen break' should be 'organizations should introduce flexible screen breaks'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially verb tenses and agreement, and practice writing more complex sentences with accuracy.

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Band 5+: Some experts suggest that all employees should be required to take a mandatory digital detox week every year to improve mental health and productivity. Others think this would be impractical and disruptive to businesses. Discuss both perspectives and present your own viewpoint.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Some experts suggest that all employees should be required to take a mandatory digital detox week every year to improve mental health and productivity. Others think this would be impractical and disruptive to businesses. Discuss both perspectives and present your own viewpoint.

Some experts suggest that all employees should be required to take a mandatory digital detox week every year to improve mental health and productivity. Others think this would be impractical and disruptive to businesses. Discuss both perspectives and present your own viewpoint.

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People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in anew country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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