Discussion

Band 6+: Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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The role of sport in school life remains a topic of considerable debate. While some individuals believe that sports are essential for children, others contend that participation in athletic activities ought to be optional.This essay will explore both viewpoints and offer my perspective.

People who support sport in school life, believe that it is essential for children’s health. For example in the United States there is a growing rate of obesity. Children stopped spending enough time on physical activities, due to the fact of spending a significant amount of time scrolling through social media, if there is nothing what can force youngsters to do sports it can have an awful effect on their health in the future. Moreover, the presence of compulsory sports in schools could help students to distract themselves and unload their brains from the huge amount of information received in other lessons.

Other individuals believe that sport should be optional because of children’s different physical abilities. Usually sport lessons in schools don’t give a great variety of exercises, all children have different bodies, stamina and endurance, but they have to do the same workout. It may lead to self-conscious feelings about athletic abilities, furthermore it can lower self-esteem and in severe cases might even be a reason of bullying from stronger children. All people have different preferences and students with well-defined athletic abilities can find sports clubs from the extracurricular perspective, while children who demonstrate abilities in humanities and other subjects should focus on these subjects and not on sport.

Overall, I feel that both positions have a place to be. I believe that sport should be compulsory at the primary school there children don’t know yet their real preferences and such a lesson can give them an opportunity to realize it, due to the fact that not all families can afford to pay for additional sections. I think in secondary and high schools it should be on the contrary optional, because students should be able to focus more on their strengths.

Word Count: 335

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 6

sport: 5

should: 5

believe: 4

sports: 4

their: 4

abilities: 4

school: 3

athletic: 3

there: 3

schools: 3

students: 3

different: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt appropriately, discussing both views and presenting a clear position. The arguments are relevant and supported with examples, though some ideas could be more fully developed. The position is clear, but the conclusion could be more nuanced. To improve, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on how compulsory sports in primary school might be implemented, and how optional sports in secondary school could still encourage participation. Also, ensure that the language is precise and avoid minor grammatical errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, and paragraphing is generally effective. However, some transitions could be smoother, and a few sentences are lengthy or awkwardly phrased, which slightly affects the flow. For example, the sentence 'Children stopped spending enough time on physical activities, due to the fact of spending a significant amount of time scrolling through social media, if there is nothing what can force youngsters to do sports it can have an awful effect on their health in the future.' is overly complex and could be broken down for clarity. Additionally, the phrase 'there children don't know yet their real preferences' is a bit unclear. Improving the use of cohesive devices and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence will enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some sophisticated choices such as 'considerable debate', 'contend', 'extracurricular perspective', and 'well-defined athletic abilities'. There is evidence of flexibility in using synonyms and paraphrasing. However, there are a few inaccuracies and awkward collocations, such as 'unload their brains' (better: 'clear their minds') and 'a reason of bullying' (better: 'a reason for bullying'). The phrase 'from the extracurricular perspective' is slightly unnatural. Overall, the lexical resource is strong but not flawless, and more precise word choices would elevate the essay. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, showing some flexibility. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'due to the fact of spending' should be 'due to spending' or 'because they spend'; 'if there is nothing what can force' should be 'if there is nothing to force'; 'there children' should be 'where children'; and 'it can have an awful effect' is informal. Additionally, there are missing commas and run-on sentences. The range of structures is adequate, but accuracy needs improvement to achieve a higher band. Proofreading and focusing on subject-verb agreement and sentence boundaries would be beneficial.

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