Opinion

Band 4+: Some people believe that the best way to provide a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many peple belive that making sure that there is a small diffenrece in an annual pay for the rich and poor citizens is the best way to create a happier society. Many agree to this statement ,but I totally disagree with this belief.

Creating a balance in money makes life happier. Because it reduces the comparison between the rich and poor people. For example if there are 2 neighbors which one of them is rich and the second one is poor, the poor one always compares his life with the rich neighbor instead of enjoying his own life. And this is how a balance can produce happiness.

When it comes to me I do not agree with the statement. Because not being able to be inspired by somedy at higher financial level makes our life stuck at the same boring level. For example if there’s a rich role model, people try to reach that level which makes life even more enjoyable, proving that balance sometimes for a bad things.

In conclusion I strongly believe that alway having somebody at the higher level of finane whcih makes life happier by helping us to reach higher level and this is why I do not agree that creating a balance between rich and poor members is the best way to create happier life.

Word Count: 220

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

level: 5

happier: 4

balance: 4

makes: 4

agree: 3

higher: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt but only partially develops its position. It presents a clear stance (disagree) but the supporting ideas are limited and not fully extended. The first body paragraph discusses how balance reduces comparison, but the second body paragraph's argument about inspiration is underdeveloped and contains a logical flaw. There are also numerous spelling and grammatical errors that affect clarity. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide more detailed examples and explanations, and proofread for accuracy. Additionally, avoid repetitive phrasing and strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points more effectively. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is sometimes disrupted by unclear connections between ideas. For example, the second body paragraph introduces the idea of inspiration but does not clearly link it back to the main argument. Additionally, the conclusion restates the main point but lacks a strong summarizing statement. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'as a result') to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all supporting sentences directly relate to it.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and informal expressions (e.g., 'a balance can produce happiness', 'life stuck at the same boring level'). There are also spelling errors (e.g., 'peple', 'diffenrece', 'somedy', 'finane', 'whcih') that affect clarity. To improve, expand your vocabulary to include more precise and formal terms, and ensure correct spelling. Use synonyms to avoid repetition and vary your word choice to demonstrate a wider lexical range. For example, instead of 'balance', you could use 'equality' or 'equity'; instead of 'happier', use 'more content' or 'more fulfilled'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that impact readability. For instance, 'Many agree to this statement ,but I totally disagree with this belief.' has a comma splice and informal tone. Also, 'Creating a balance in money makes life happier. Because it reduces the comparison...' is a sentence fragment. There are issues with subject-verb agreement and word order (e.g., 'if there are 2 neighbors which one of them is rich and the second one is poor' should be 'if there are two neighbors, one of whom is rich and the other poor'). To improve, practice writing more complex sentences with correct punctuation and grammar. Review common grammar rules such as sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Proofread your work to eliminate errors and enhance clarity.

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Band 4+: Some people believe that the best way to provide a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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