Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others think that it can be beneficial. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Nowadays, digital gadgets play a vital role in technology. Technology is getting involved in people’s lives. People consider that watching TV is a bad stuff while other assume that it can be educational and academic parts for children. This essay will discuss both views and share my own perspectives.

On the other hand, watching TV extremely can be really harmful for kids. Their syesights are actually vulnerable to compared with adults. Some children might be addicated to watching TV and digital gadgets that can drop the children down and stay drained due to much screen time.

In construst, nowadays, education is in everywhere. People can search the topics they want to learn and apply for. Likewise, TV is a useful gadget for kids when it comes to digital education. TV progremmes like documentary shows, variety shows, and educational cartoons are such precious resources to keep children want to know more and explore.

In my point of view, watching TV extremely can be a wrong turn when it comes to children’s mental pleasure. Otherwise, TV can also be the best gateway for children keep enthusiastic and explore their curiosities.

Word Count: 188

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 5

watching: 4

digital: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive aspects of children watching TV and presenting an opinion. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and sufficient development. The arguments could be strengthened with more specific examples and explanations. The introduction could be more concise and directly address the topic. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could offer a more nuanced perspective. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some attempt at organization, but the ideas are not always logically connected. The introduction is present, but it could be more focused. Transitions between paragraphs are weak, and the flow of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow. The conclusion is brief and summarizes the main points, but it could be more impactful. To improve coherence, focus on creating clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs using appropriate transition words and phrases. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support that topic. Consider using more specific examples to illustrate your points.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of imprecise word choice. Some words are used inappropriately or in a non-idiomatic way. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations to express your ideas more accurately and effectively. Pay attention to the context in which you use words to ensure they are appropriate and natural. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. These errors frequently impede understanding. The range of grammatical structures used is limited. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing different types of sentences (simple, compound, complex) to increase your range. Proofread your work carefully to identify and correct errors. Consider seeking feedback from a teacher or tutor to pinpoint areas for improvement.

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