Opinion

Band 4+: Some people believe that young people today have too much freedom, which can lead to a lack of discipline. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, large proportion of people think that youngsters have plenty of freedom these days. Whereas others believe that they do not have enough freedom.Although there are two point of views,from my perspective i do believe that when compered to the past individuals now youth have much more than freedom.However,in this essay we will discuss about both sides.

It cannot be denied that, in some situations the large proportion of teenegers still do not have enough independence.This would mean that, eventhough we are achive 90% of freedom in some sides of world there are still people who control the youth in terms of wearing dres they like, choosing what they dreamed to study,denial of education and some kind of things. For example, in some of the countries plenty of individuals are scared to enjoy night life as there are not enough protected.

Nevertheless, when compared to past decades freedom that the youngsters have significantly skyrocked.To make it clear,todays teens are more educated and they know what they are doing.Eventhough some people says genzes are arrogant, addicted to phone and irresponssible. Youngsters are made their own freedom by fighting againist the people who make them uncomfortable.It can be illustrated with an example that, in India, there happened a genz protest abd form a party called cockroach jantha party(CJP) in order fpr the resinging of the education minister as he called the youth as cockroches and insects and that was big success. so may they do not have enough indeoendence they will fight for it thry gained the determination for that so, i considered that todays youth have the freedom.

To conclude, it could be intrested that, even though in some sides yoith did not have enough freedom i do believe that they have that toadys yiuth are determiend to fought for it.In the future to is is likely to continue.

Word Count: 310

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

freedom: 5

enough: 5

people: 4

there: 4

youth: 4

youngsters: 3

believe: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. However, the development of ideas is limited and not always clear. There are issues with coherence, repetition, and a lack of precise supporting details. To improve, focus on structuring paragraphs with clear topic sentences, providing more specific and relevant examples, and ensuring each idea is fully explained and linked back to the main argument. Additionally, proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay attempts to present both sides of the argument, but the overall structure is unclear and lacks logical progression. The introduction is confusing and does not clearly state the writer's position. Paragraphs are not well-developed, and ideas jump between points without smooth transitions. Cohesive devices are used incorrectly or repetitively (e.g., 'However,' 'Nevertheless,' 'To conclude'). The essay would benefit from a clearer introduction, well-organized body paragraphs each focusing on a single main idea, and a conclusion that summarizes the argument without introducing new points.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and often used inaccurately. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'compered,' 'teenegers,' 'achive,' 'dres,' 'genzes,' 'irresponssible,' 'againist,' 'cockroch,' 'fpr,' 'resinging,' 'indeoendence,' 'thry,' 'toadys,' 'yiuth,' 'determiend,' 'fought,' 'intrested,' 'yoith'). Some attempts at more sophisticated vocabulary (e.g., 'skyrocked,' 'determination') are not used correctly. The essay would benefit from expanding vocabulary range and ensuring words are used in the right context. Proofreading for spelling errors is essential. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that impede understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'large proportion of people think'), incorrect verb tenses (e.g., 'are scared,' 'happened,' 'gained'), missing articles (e.g., 'large proportion'), and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'freedom' used as a countable noun). Sentence structures are often incomplete or run-on, and punctuation is frequently missing or misused. The writer should focus on mastering basic sentence structures, using correct verb tenses, and improving punctuation to enhance clarity.

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