Opinion

Band 5+: Some people say that advertisements are not good because it encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements are good because it informs us about new products that can improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Nowadays, advertisement surrounds us everywhere. We can see it on buildings, on the internet, in newspaper and even in public restrooms. Afforce, society will be in doubt after this. Mostly people are divided into 2 groups. First say, that advertisement encourages us to buy things we don’t really need. Ather group say it informs us about new products that can improve our live. At the back of my mind, i belong to second group.

Firstly, I would like to say, that effect of advertising differs for different people. Someone buys everything, that he saw. Someone ponders about every purchase. I sick to this opinion, but sometimes I can’t hold out. Based on this, I think, that if you buys every thing that you saw problem is not in advertisement, problem in your head. Me personally, advertising has often helped me, when I’m really need something, and algorithm gave me correct suggestions. For example, about a year ago I had problems with sleep, and algorithm showed me advertising magnesium tablets, after they really helped me with sleep.

Besides, advertisement is necessary detail for businessmen’s, entrepreneurs and any companies. Because if they didn’t have it, they simply wouldn’t be able to work. Nowadays, if you want success in business, you need as much as possible advertisement. Case in point, is Red Bull. When they start, nobody now about energetic drinks, in Europe. Despite this, they start add a logo to all sports events, and it worked.

In conclusion, I would like to say, that every thing is relative, and advertising is no exception. If you have your head in your shoulders, it will definitely help you

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

advertisement: 5

about: 4

advertising: 4

really: 3

every: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as the magnesium tablets and Red Bull. However, there is some lack of precision in supporting ideas and some minor language errors. To improve, focus on developing your ideas more fully and ensuring clarity in your writing. Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present, but the connections between paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between sentences and ideas within paragraphs need improvement to enhance the flow and readability. For example, the shift from the general introduction to the personal anecdote in the second paragraph is abrupt. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure a smoother transition between points.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice ('Afforce,' 'sick to this opinion'). The language is not always precise, which affects the clarity of the arguments. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language to convey your ideas effectively. Pay attention to collocations and the appropriate use of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors impede understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. For example, 'Someone buys everything, that he saw' and 'Nowadays, if you want success in business, you need as much as possible advertisement' contain grammatical inaccuracies. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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