Opinion

Band 4+: Some people say that high school programmes should include compulsory unpaid community service (for example coaching sports to younger children, helping to improve the neighbourhood, or volunteering for a charity). To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Education provide students on learning to be a part of the community. It is said that educational programs in the higher level should be able to participate in a community services. Personally I completely agree with this view engaging learners, will have a beneficial developments.

It is crucial for the young adults for being part of a wide community in doing various services. This is to help them learn that in a society we contributes services by improving it or having a sense of kindness to those who are in need. With this leads to a positive learning on their understanding of helping one another. In addition, it develops the high school students their social skills with having an interaction with the community. This gives an opportunities for them to meet and know the different individuals in a community with various personalities and stories.

Another factor it not only focuses on the young learners but in society as well. For this strives the people to work hard in achieving a better community. It could leads to a rich working environment that uniting people for the better future in their society. Furthermore, in times of a dilemma this is a place where people could rely in the hour of need. This is the time for the people to give a hand in hand support. It could leads for the community having a several possibilities on preventing a large scale effect to this phenomenon.

All in all, there are various positive development of the students in being part of a team in the community. Aside from that it give a significant benefits on the community in working together.

Word Count: 276

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

community: 9

people: 4

students: 3

services: 3

various: 3

society: 3

having: 3

leads: 3

their: 3

could: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of agreement. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks the necessary depth and precision required for higher scores. While you mention benefits to both students (social skills, kindness) and society (unity, support), the arguments are somewhat repetitive and abstract. To improve, you should focus on the following: 1. **Specific Development**: Instead of making broad statements about 'positive development' or 'better futures,' provide concrete examples. For instance, explain *how* coaching sports specifically builds leadership or *how* cleaning a neighborhood fosters civic responsibility. 2. **Clarity and Cohesion**: Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'It could leads for the community having a several possibilities on preventing a large scale effect to this phenomenon'). Ensure that each sentence clearly connects back to the main idea of the paragraph. 3. **Address the 'Compulsory' Aspect**: The prompt asks about *compulsory* (mandatory) service. Your essay discusses the benefits of service in general, but it would be stronger if you addressed whether making it a requirement in the school curriculum is a good idea.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow due to awkward phrasing and weak cohesive devices. To improve, focus on using clearer transition words (e.g., 'Consequently', 'As a result', 'Moreover') to link your ideas logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that section.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and often repetitive. There are several instances where word choices are imprecise or used incorrectly (e.g., 'strives the people', 'preventing a large scale effect to this phenomenon'). To reach a higher band, try to use a wider range of academic vocabulary and collocations. Instead of using general words like 'good' or 'things', use more specific terms like 'altruism', 'civic responsibility', or 'social cohesion'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Education provide', 'it give'), article usage, and sentence structure (e.g., 'It could leads for the community having a several possibilities'). I recommend focusing on mastering basic sentence structures, verb tenses, and singular/plural agreement. Practicing the use of complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions (e.g., 'although', 'because', 'while') will also help improve your score.

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